Six Weeks!

Today Milo and Nora turned 6 weeks old. It was a weird deja-vu day because I had to take Milo to the hospital to have a hip ultrasound (he's fine, and it was normal). So we took him in to the hospital and checked him in to patient registration, which is exactly where I'd been 6 weeks earlier except hugely pregnant and about to go have my c-section. I'm glad it's now and not then. That day, after registering I went up to my room, put on my hospital gown, and had an IV inserted and then re-inserted twice because it wasn't placed well. After a whole bunch of waiting, during which I was extremely thirsty, we finally went down to the operating room. Jake put on all of his scrubs while I had a spinal. After the spinal, they placed me onto the table and put up a big curtain between my face and the rest of me. Then they started cutting and although I could feel lots of pulling and things moving around and pressure, I didn't feel any pain. When Milo was born my first sensation was that of an enormous lightening. His cry was loud and vigorous. When Nora was born, I was upset about how little she was, but happy to hear her crying loudly and strongly as well.

Jake held both of the babies near me as they did the post-op stitching up stuff. You know, I'd like to say I was moved by their beauty and all that, but frankly it's hard to really take a look at somebody sideways. I was stuck flat on my back looking to my side, and you can't really get a good look at a person that way. They both had very soft, beautiful cheeks though.

I was sick to my stomach for a while, but it wasn't too bad and overall the c-section was a lot less hard than I thought it would be. It was extremely weird but the operation itself wasn't too bad. Then we went to the post-op room and I got to hold both babies and try to have them nurse a little bit. I got some medication to stop shaking and then we all went up to the hospital room. The rest of that day is a complete blur. I was so sleepy that I kept falling asleep in mid-sentence. I know we fed them every three hours, and I remember at one point a nurse bathed the babies in front of me and tried to teach me how to do it, but I was having a really hard time keeping my eyes open and staying awake. I remember feeling bad about that because I was interested in her bathing the babies, but I just couldn't stay awake. I guess it's tiring to have two babies pulled out the sunroof.

So we registered Milo today and then took him up to medical imaging for a hip ultrasound. It went pretty well; for most of it, he slept or remained calm. When the doctor came in and stressed his hip in various positions he got pretty upset and cried hard, but he calmed down when I nursed him afterward. Towards the end of the ultrasound Milo peed all over the doctor (and my hand). Hah!

In honor of his big outing we dressed him up in real clothes for the first time. (Until now, they've both just been wearing sleepers all the time). Check out this super cute outfit from cousin Kate & Jon. It was great, Milo had never worn actual pants before and he looked like an old man, the kind who wears his pants all the way up to his chest and then they bunch up a lot and pooch out because they're way too big.
Pardon the terrible hair (on me. He has no hair). That's hat hair because it was ridiculously cold today. It was -5 degrees out this morning, so we had to bundle him up warmly:

The other day, I took Nora out for a walk when it was much warmer, about 30 or 40 degrees. I dressed her warmly for that too:

The babies are starting to smile a little bit. There are a couple of times when I think Nora has maybe smiled at me, and the other day she definitely gave a big smile to my boob. That's a start, I guess. Then today after eating, I said "Hi Milo, Hi there Milo" and he gave me a big smile. Granted, he sort of fell asleep right afterwards so it might have been a sleep smile, but I'm going to count it anyway.

Milo has started cooing and making noises with his voice other than the newborn "eh, eh". Nora just started doing that as well, maybe yesterday or today. Unfortunately, the babies are also pretty soundly in their fussy period. The afternoons and evenings and sometimes nights can be very hard. Milo has a little more trouble than Nora, but she has her moments too. It is supposed to peak at 6 weeks, but for babies born early it peaks at 6 weeks after the due date, which is 2.5 weeks from now. Boo. It's scary to think of their fussiness perhaps getting worse.

The babies still aren't sleeping in very long stretches. The longest they've gone between two feedings is 4.5 hours, which means maybe 3 hours of sleep in between. But actually I think that one time they cried for a long time after eating, so they probably only slept for about 2 hours. So, needless to say, I'm not sleeping a whole lot.

One thing I've learned is that not sleeping isn't that big of a deal for me. It's hard, and the nights are the worst because there's nothing more lousy than getting into a deep sleep only to have to wake up and get up a mere hour later. But you'd think I would feel terrible during the days, and for the most part I don't. I feel generally okay most days in terms of physical exhaustion. So I need to remember this during the night and let go of my anxiety about not sleeping. I'll be a lot happier if I can be more relaxed during night feedings without worrying about when I'm going to get back to sleep.

I am scared about what is going to happen when my mother and then Jake's mother leaves. We will then have to combine part-time child care with tag-teaming taking care of the babies ourselves. We've thought about having child care two days a week and then each of us takes care of them on our own one day a week, and then both taking care of them the remaining three days. That one day of taking care of them alone is what scares me. During the middle of the night, when I'm feeding one, I hope and pray that the other won't wake up too soon because there is nothing worse than two hungry, crying babies and the ability to feed only one at a time. Or hold one at a time, or burp one at a time, or change one at a time. Sometimes they both need me at the same time. It is terribly sad that a tiny newborn should have to wait to get picked up because I can't put the other one down immediately -- they're too young to have to learn that lesson, but that's the reality of twins sometimes. Right now I only have to do it once during the night; for the other feedings, Jake or my mom is there. It's hard to imagine doing it all day long.

But that's borrowing trouble. For now, they're 6 weeks old, and we have many many weeks ahead of us with grandmas around to help out. They're 6 weeks old and I look at them and think "You're here. After so much waiting and wondering, here you are. Two actual little babies who are so different than I imagined, and so much better." Much, much better.