I'm an iPad Commercial

I am just loving my iPad! One of the apps I like is epicurious, which has a huge recipe database with reviews and comments. You can search for recipes on ingredients, dietary restrictions, type of cuisine, etc. Then once you pick your recipes, it generates a shopping list for you! So I can take my iPad to the store, if I want, and check off items on the shopping list as I go, or I can email the shopping list and print it out. At the bottom of this post is my shopping list from 4 recipes. The formatting didn't transfer but each item has a little box by it that you can check off as you go.

Then as I cook, I use the iPad as my cookbook in the kitchen.

I also like the app called MyFitnessPal. It has a huge database of foods and activities so I can put in the calories of everything I eat, which I do. I can also track my exercise, and then track my progress over time. Did you know that if I eat 1200 calories a day and exercise 6 days a week, I don't lose weight? Wacky, huh. My metabolism has definitely changed in dramatic ways since being pregnant. My guess is that once my body gained 40 lbs, which is really a huge amount of weight on a frame like mine, it changed things in pretty big ways. I lost the pregnancy weight after the babies were born but my body no longer responds to changes in diet and exercise the way it did when I was in grad school. I probably won't ever go back to that grad-school weight and body, but for some reason I keep trying.

Well anyway, tracking how much I eat has been an interesting experience and I think that eating less than 1200 calories a day just isn't a good idea. It would be a hard thing to sustain for me personally...I like to eat enough so that I don't feel deprived, so that I have energy and my brain feels active and alert. So the best way to go is to step up the exercise with all of that massive amount of free time I have. Ha ha ha!

But on a bright note, this weekend I've had time to work out every day, running plus weights, and it's been so awesome, I feel great. (Not skinny, but great nonetheless). PLUS my house has been spotless.

__________________

Included recipes: Poblano and Mushroom Tacos, Zucchini Carpaccio with Homemade Ricotta Cheese, Moroccan Carrot Soup, Roasted Fingerling Potato Salad

FRESH PRODUCE
1 fresh poblano chile, halved, seeded, thinly sliced into long strips
1/2 small red onion, sliced
3 ounces crimini (baby bella) mushrooms, thinly sliced (about 1 1/4 cups)
Chopped fresh cilantro
Crumbled feta or Cotija cheese
5 medium zucchini, trimmed
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
1 cup chopped white onion
1 1/2 pounds 1-inch-diameter fingerling potatoes, halved lengthwise
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1/4 cup fresh Italian parsley leaves
2 tablespoons fresh tarragon leaves

BAKING, NUTS, AND SPICES
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pound large carrots, peeled, cut into 1/2-inch dice (about 2 2/3 cups)
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin seeds
1/8 teaspoon ground allspice

CONDIMENTS AND SAUCES
1 tablespoon honey
1 tablespoon coarse-grained Dijon mustard

CANNED AND TINNED ITEMS
2 1/2 cups low-salt chicken broth

DAIRY
4 thin slices Monterey Jack cheese
Homemade Ricotta Cheese
2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter
1/2 cup plain yogurt, stirred to loosen
2 hard-boiled eggs, peeled, chopped

REFRIGERATED
4 corn tortillas

OTHER
Assorted toppings (such as shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, and hot sauce or salsa)

Here's How Dumb I Am

So Jake is taking both kids up north to his parents' house on the lake tomorrow.

Last year, we were up there and we took a ride on his parents' pontoon boat. Whenever we're out with the kids, each of us informally takes responsibility for one kid. Sometimes we'll trade off during the outing, but we are each watching our own kid. That day on the boat, I was watching Milo and Jake was watching Nora.

Except, he wasn't. Milo wanted to stand on my lap and look at the water, so I held him for a moment, letting him do that, and then put him back down and instinctively glanced around for Nora. And she wasn't there. Jake hadn't been watching her, he had been daydreaming. We're on a boat. I can't see her anywhere. I ask Jake, Where's Nora? He looks around in a panic. Jake's parents look around in a panic. I am suddenly panicking, starting to scan the water, thinking she fell out of the boat without any of us noticing. Then Jake's mom says "Here she is!" She was just hiding behind the seat.

So, a few lessons learned by me. (I cannot say whether Jake learned any lessons). One thing I learned is that if we're in a particularly dangerous situation like on a boat, or in the parking lot, even if we each have our "own" kid to watch, I had probably better be watching the second kid out of the corner of my eye as well.

So back to this weekend. It is all kinds of wonderful that Jake is taking both kids. I can't even believe he wants to do this. The pull to go up north is very strong for him, and he is on vacation, and I have a ton of work to do, so the timing is right. So when he suggested it, I said sure. But tonight at dinner I thought I should probably remind him that since I won't be there, it will be very important that he is paying attention to both kids. He can't just wander off or daydream or stare at a tree or something when there are spiral staircases and 2nd-story decks and big dogs and a giant lake right there. All of those things could theoretically hurt or kill the kids. It's not exactly toddler-proofed up there.

So I was telling him all of this and trying to impress upon him that it is a big deal, and that if anything happened to one of them I would never forgive him. So he had better watch them carefully. (Jake's parents will be there too, of course, but his dad is kind of off in his own world and his mom is often busy with random friends who drive by on the lake, or she's busy eating, and her attention wanders too. So he really needs to make sure he is watching them at all times). So I'm saying all of this at dinner, right in front of the kids, not even realizing that there are actually times, sometimes, when they actually listen to what we're saying.

Then all of the sudden Milo starts getting a little teary, and scared, and he says "I don't want to go up north! I want to stay home! I don't want to get hurt!"

Yes. That is how dumb I am.

Working working working

So, I am typing thus on my iPad! Just as a novelty, really, because it is a little hard to type this way because the iPad doesn't support the Dvorak keyboard layout. I can mostly type on a qwerty keyboard, I haven't forgotten how completely, but qwerty plus the smaller size makes it slow going. However, despite this issue I LOVE my shiny new iPad. I never would have bought one for myself, due to beliefs that I really need to earn any toy I get, and at this stage earn means get tenure, or at least a big journal acceptance. But my mentor bought them with some tech funds that needed to be spent by May 1 and I am loving this toy. I have my calendar on here now, and notes and books, not to mention games for the kids and a calorie tracker and maps (OMG GPS) and urban spoon, I'm in heaven! Plus, we also got Bluetooth keyboards which makes it very easy to type AND with the external keyboard I can type in Dvorak. I can now keep all of my work notes on here and synch them up.

My out-of-town colleagues came and went and it was a super awesome work session. We actually drafted an outline of pretty much the whole book. I also found out that one of them has a pretty good sense of humor, and is pretty smart. Which made it fun. It was interesting to me to see how he kept asking me things about how we do stuff and deferring to me even though he is more senior than I am. This has everything to do with my institution. He respects my university a ton and it was interesting to see that play out. I can sometimes get spoiled and forget how much I get from his institution. It opens so many doors. I get so many opportunities from working here and the prestige of the department makes a lot of people willing to talk to me! I also know that being here makes it easier to secure national grants. It is a privileged place to work if you don't count the pay.

Speaking of which I have been working around the clock on some consulting stuff and we are almost done, thank goodness. I am getting really burned out on it but the money is so needed/welcome. It's hard to pass up. Just the other day I realized that by June I'll have earned more from consulting this year alone than my ENTIRE SALARY my first year teaching. Which just goes to show how low teaching salaries can be.

The kids are two. Very much two. I hope it doesn't last forever.

Stuff they Said

Today Buddy asked Nora what kind of shoes she wanted to wear. She said, "I'm in the mood for sandals."

Later at snack time:

Milo: I can't handle Nora.

Nora: I'm too little to handle Milo.

Tonight at dinner:

Me: Daddy has a brother, and his name is Uncle Ken.

Nora: I have a brother!

Me: What's his name?

Nora: Milo!

Milo: I have a brother too!

Me: What's his name?

Milo: Um...I don't know!

Was it just last weekend that we had graduation, and a big party, and the in-laws were here, and then I packed and flew to Arkansas and back? And got filmed in a studio in which the producer asking me the questions looked exactly like Dave Matthews, only about 10 years younger?

It feels like weeks ago. The students are gone now and everything is quiet and right now it is about 85 degrees out and humid. It is officially summer in my book!

Tonight my co-authors are flying to Madison for our 2-day work session to try to outline our book. I am so glad it is not me who had to get on another plane today! They are so nice to fly out here instead.

Today we went to a small town about 25 miles out of town. It was the original Swiss settlement in our state and Jake's great grandfather used to live there. He and his family have been going there for years, and his parents got engaged there. It is a cute historic small Swiss village (about 2,000 people) with giant plaster cows everywhere, pretty little shops selling chocolate and cheese and Swiss things, and nice delis and pubs. Jake got the idea that it'd make for a nice Sunday outing so we packed up the kids, spent the morning playing at a park in the center of the village, and then ate at a restaurant for lunch before heading home.

Yes, 2 restaurants in as many weeks for the kids! This is quite a big deal since we only took the kids to restaurants maybe 2-3 times in the first 2 years of their lives. But now they are big enough that they can sit up and eat food off the menu, and drink their milk out of the glasses, and we can practice appropriate restaurant behavior in the low-key setting of a weekend lunch. They once again did a great job and behaved very well. (Hmm. Maybe we should eat out more often.)

I've only been to this town once before and it was for Oktoberfest, on Jake's 27th birthday. We drove down on a Saturday and spent the day with his parents, aunts and uncles, and a bunch of friends (all there for Oktoberfest) and then we camped there overnight.

Nora said some funny things this weekend. On Saturday morning I gave them watered down juice at breakfast because we were out of milk. They basically never get juice like that, so it was a huge deal to them and they both downed 2 cups. Nora said, "It's a juicy day!" Then later she was feeling jealous and didn't want to share me with Milo. I said, "I'm Milo's Mommy too, you know." Nora thought for a minute, and then she said, "Daddy is Milo's Mommy!" Jake thought that one was sort of true.

Also, the kids were horrendous this afternoon. I have started to notice some things from the park, story time, play dates, and other outings: Nora and Milo are not like other kids. And not in a good way. They seem to be a year or two ahead when it comes to their verbal skills, but they seem...how do I put it...way more jerky than other kids. Like, more demanding. More difficult. More apt to fight. More apt to argue and talk back. Other kids their age don't have the language to really engage in the finer points of extended debate, so that's part of it, but holy cow. Are we raising a couple of jerks? I don't understand! We're so not permissive, we try to follow the books and stuff, but tonight was seriously nuts. Honestly Milo's behavior every night at dinner is so atrocious you'd think he was raised in a barn. And Nora...little Miss Debate Team...she thinks she's Perry Mason or something. It's ridiculous.

The best part is when I refuse to argue with her, which is basically all the time, and then she'll demand "Argue, Mommy! I want you to argue! I need you to argue, Mommy!" and she'll get seriously upset about it and then basically we're in an argument about whether or not we're having an argument.

Aaaaauuuugggghhhh!

Milo now thinks it's funny to spit, stick out his tongue, make disgusting throat noises, and basically be gross. We are ignoring this when we're outside or in a situation where it doesn't matter, because I know he is trying to get attention, but we don't allow it at the table. And then we engage in WWIII every night. If Milo were a husky kid I'd just end the meal. Still too afraid to end meals because of the whole underweight thing...I'm going to check it with the doctor next month to get the green light on ending meals and letting the little so-and-so go hungry for a night. So instead it's this:

Milo: HUUCCCWWWGGGHHHHH!

Me: Not allowed at the table.

Milo: But I want to!

Me: No.

Milo: I want to!

Me: No.

Milo: I want to!

Me: No.

Milo: I want to!

Me: ....(takes a bite)

Milo: I want to!

Milo: But I want to!

Milo: I want to!

Milo: I want to!

Me: I SAID NO.

Milo: AAAAAaaaaaaaaa! (Bursts into tears)

Yup. Fun times.

I Love That

One bright spot in an otherwise crabby morning:

We were walking from the parking lot to the zoo entrance and some kids in a stroller started saying hi to Milo and waving at him. Milo waved back and was clearly thrilled at the interaction. As we walked away, he said, "He was saying peek a boo to me. I love that!"

Our Weekend

One of my doctoral advisees and two of my master's advisees graduated this weekend, along with two more of our doctoral students. I'm on their committees and I've read their dissertations, so I feel closely connected to all of our graduating students. They are all so terrific and are moving on to very exciting things.

My doctoral advisee is my second doc student to graduate. The first graduated 3 years ago and at the very last minute I ended up missing the ceremony because I got sick. This time I was fine, and I was so excited and happy to have the honor to hood my student.I have been lucky in terms of having really awesome grad students.

That was on Friday. Saturday, Jake graduated! What a momentous occasion for him and for all of us. Jake studied for the GRE when I was pregnant and took it just a few short weeks before the babies were born. When they were infants, he studied statistics to prepare for his upcoming program. He began the program when the kids were just 9 months old and it was a rough time because he really hated his first semester. I remember that Jake didn't seem very confident about finishing and often wondered whether he was doing the right thing. The work load was very intense and it wasn't easy to manage that and caring for twins at the same time.

But he did it, and each semester got better than the one before it, and in the end Jake graduated with honors, one of just a few in his class to achieve that distinction. He gained an outstanding reputation for himself which allowed him to secure a job months before graduation, while most of his classmates are still searching. None of this was easy for Jake and he is definitely one of the hardest workers I know when it comes to studying and diligence. It paid off and it was such a sweet day to celebrate his accomplishments.

Jake's graduation ceremony was actually in the Capitol building in the assembly chambers, which was a beautiful place to hold a graduation.

That night, we geared up for a party to celebrate the graduations of Jake and all of our grad students in my program. Even the kids got into the spirit of it, saying "Congraduations Daddy!"

Sunday was a day of recovery from our excellent party, a day of playing outside on the new trikes from Grandma and Grandpa. Here is Buddy in the background, pushing Nora.

They also brought a fire engine for Milo. They are totally spoiling our kids. (And yes, I'd say the helmets are quite unnecessary at this stage!)

Today we went to an old classic deli for lunch. This is a very special deli because it has a carousel!

The kids did wonderfully at lunch. I realized that this is actually the first time we have taken both of them to a restaurant in a year and a half. The last time was in December right after they turned 1. I guess we've kind of stayed away from restaurants, but today it was a nice change of pace and we all had fun.

Now I have to pack once again for my early-morning trip to Arkansas. I have to get up at 4:30 a.m. and be filmed later that day. Hopefully the camera adds about 4 hours of sleep or else I'm in trouble.

End of my Rope

I love my children. I could easily stare at them all day. If they would let me, I'd just kiss and hug them for hours and hours. They're funny and clever and constantly surprise me with their delightfully bizarre take on things, and they're cute and adorable.

But oh my goodness, the girl child was about ready to kill my very last nerve today.

She never. stops. talking. I mean never. Which is fine if it's cheerful chatter, but if she's peevish and off, then the talking is not good talking. It is whining, argumentative talking. Nora will argue about every single word that comes out of our mouths. Everything. It doesn't matter what. Today Jake actually said, "Nora, the sky is blue" just so that he could hear her respond "No it's not!" as he knew she would do. "No, it's not! The sky is not blue!"

Today Nora hit Milo, bit him, pushed him, and kicked him. She complained and whined if I tried to do anything other than hold her. She tried to boss me around: "Mommy, don't cook! Mommy, don't laugh! I don't like laughing!" Reasoning with her is pointless (see the blue sky argument). I do all of the things you're supposed to do. I "don't understand" a whiny voice and don't respond until she uses a normal one. I don't acquiesce to demands, ever, unless they're re-phrased as polite requests with a "please". But despite being incredibly consistent about this, apparently these are not easy lessons for a toddler to learn because she has to be re-taught them about 800 times a day going on, oh, a year now.

Nora absolutely loves to argue. I have to laugh because even when I say something like I'm not going to argue, she'll say "Argue, Mommy! I want to argue!" And then keep saying it about 800 times in a row until my head explodes all over the kitchen. I didn't even know it was possible for a child to be this tenacious and passionate. She's like a pit bull.

I mean, I thought I was intense. I'm usually the one tiring other people out with my arguing, my demanding nature, my critical, passionate personality. I believe I have now met my match. Nora has me beat, and she's only 2. I am too old and too tired for this; by the end of the day, I had a killer headache and was walking around in a fog. I hope this child will ultimately use her skills for some greater purpose in life.

At least Milo sometimes takes the heat and rises to the bait, giving me a break every now and then. For instance, tonight before bedtime they were sitting on their potties and brushing their teeth. Milo declared "I have a penis!" Not to be outdone, Nora says, "I have a penis." Milo: "You do not!" Nora: "I do too!" Milo: "Do NOT!" Nora: "Do TOO!" This continued for about 5 minutes and they were really yelling at each other. I just sighed and reached for a bon bon because it was the most relaxing 5 minutes of my day.

Don't Touch Guys

Just had to relay a bizarre conversation Milo initiated tonight. I can only imagine what incident today prompted this information!

Milo: I don't touch guys.

Me: You don't touch guys?

Milo: I don't touch guys' bottoms.

Me: Oh. Yeah, we don't touch people's bottoms.

Milo: Guys take showers.

Peeking Through the Window

Very Famous Retired Guy, who is a super nice guy, stopped by today to chat. He said some kind and reassuring things to me regarding the tenure debacle our department has been through, and I took the opportunity to ask him to write a letter of reference for me for next year. So that I can go on the job market. So that I can, at the very least, get a raise at my current job.

New hires who are joining us are getting salaries 5K more than what I'm making. This is obviously wrong and yesterday it just so happened that my yearly review happened with the department. (My mentor presents my case to the department and then they talk about whether I am fine or whether I suck). Afterwards my mentor came to me and said that it went fine, everybody thought it was great, and several people commented to him that my case was a model case. One person told him "Amy is a gem." My mentor thought, well, if that's the case I should try to get her a raise now since we have 3 new people coming in next year making 5K more than Amy. So he went to the chair and she said "No, there is no money." So I am a gem who is worth 5K less than the brand new (newly minted PhD) hires. That's the way it works around here. There is no money, unless you get an outside offer and magically activate this separate pot of retention money. It is total BS in my opinion but there is nothing to be done except get another job offer. I am angry, and am ready to see what else is out there. There are some places I could imagine potentially moving to if it came to that.

But that wasn't what I wanted to talk about. Instead I want to talk about clothes.

For most of my life I didn't care very much about clothes or fashion. Maybe this was laziness or just general obliviousness or being too busy, but I also think that my income had a lot to do with it. First I was a college student, then a teacher, then a grad student, and none of those occupations pay well. The teaching uniform is pretty standard and doesn't change much from day to day. Same with the grad student uniform (jeans and a t-shirt).

Now, however, I've got days when I just sit in my office and write, so I can still wear jeans and a t-shirt if I want to, but I also have days when I teach, and I prefer to look a little more polished. I also have days when I organize meetings, travel, present, or give talks, and I like to look much more professional on those days. Now that I am older, perhaps I have to rely on strategic clothing choices a little bit more than I used to. Also, I now make more money than I did as a grad student or a teacher. Professors don't make a ton of money (especially us gems, apparently), but it's enough that I can afford to spend a little more on a decent pair of shoes or a nice jacket every now and then.

The internet and blogging has changed fashion for me too. I get so many ideas and inspiration from some of my favorite fashion blogs:

What I wore is a great daily outfit blog by a NYC girl who has great style. (It keeps making me wish I were about 6 inches taller!)

Academichic is a blog by three female academics who trade off sharing their daily outfits. I particularly identify with E's style.

Good life for less is a great blog by a very fashionable mom of 2. I can relate! (To the mom of 2 part, that is...)

You look fab is a fabulous blog by a fashion consultant who shares all kinds of tips and tricks. The reader's forum is great too.

And then there is my splurge read, Corporette. It is really geared more towards the lawyer and wall street set than the professor set, but provides a nice window into the higher-end fashion that is fun to take a peek at every now and then.

Our Weekend

I have made chicken & cheese taquitos with adobo sauce, macaroons, chocolate-covered macaroons, cheddar cheese puffs, apple walnut gorgonzola turnovers, and grilled chicken pasta salad with basil, tomato, and avocado. Phew! Coming up in the next week, brownies, chicken wings, smoked salmon with herbed goat cheese on toasts, artichoke cheese dip, and cherry chutney with brie.

We grocery shopped, did laundry, mowed the lawn, trimmed the bushes, and weeded the front garden. Jake cleaned the downstairs bathroom while I finished writing a 23-page single-spaced document about exponential functions for teachers, and it doesn't even have the pieces my colleague is producing yet. I also wondered whether it is too obvious to tell teachers that a logarithm is just an exponent.

I finished the edits to my chapter and sent it off to the editor. And on Friday night, we took an hour and a half off and watched two episodes of Mad Men, possibly my favorite show of all time.

Oh. We also took the kids to the park, the store, the other park, and negotiated countless disputes. We made meals every 4 hours and cleaned dishes about 10 times. We changed about 20 diapers. I'm so glad Monday is coming, I need a vacation from the weekend!

Sometimes I Wonder if My Kids are Normal

I think about 85% of our household unpleasantness (yelling, crying, etc.) comes from sibling disputes. Another 10% comes from me trying to go to the bathroom or do laundry or take a shower or whatever and leaving Nora, and the remaining 5% comes from falls or injuries.

It makes me wonder, sometimes, whether things would be generally tranquil if we just had one child. It certainly is every single time just one of them is with us and the other is asleep or off doing something with the other parent or whatever.

Today, in a new parenting low, I actually bribed Nora with a sticker to behave and not throw a fit while I went to the bathroom. Yes, I know it is not a stellar parenting move. Honestly I just needed a little peace for a couple of minutes.

This child is so demanding. Every time I hold Milo she freaks out. She is so jealous. I don't know if my memory is correct, but when they were babies I seem to remember Nora being more mellow and Milo being more cranky and adverse to change. I worry about Milo being left behind, sort of, because Nora is so demanding of my attention. I don't want Milo to feel like the second-class child. He's so much more happy to play on his own or do his own thing, and Nora is so much more likely to demand that I hold her, or cry and scream if I try to cook or something while she wants attention, so when going with the flow it is Nora who gets more of me and Milo who gets less. But I don't want Milo to get less, and I don't want him to feel like he is loved any less.

Every day I hug and kiss Milo and cuddle with him and tell him that I love him, which he likes but often he's just as likely to wipe off the kiss and run off and play, because he's a hard working man with important things to do. So he seems okay, but still. Last night I cuddled with him while Nora threw a giant fit of anger and jealousy. Jake took her upstairs and I stayed down with Milo for a while just to enjoy being able to hold him. I kissed him and he said "Give me two kisses!"

Their constitutions are so different. Milo is still a great sleeper, as he has been since he was a baby. His naps last 3 hours and sometimes we even have to wake him after that time. Nora's naps last half that long if we're lucky. Milo's more outgoing and friendly. Nora is getting better, but she is still shy and afraid of new people. Milo is game to try any food, and enjoys much of it. Nora has actually improved a lot in that area (today she ate pasta and a meatball), but it has been a struggle. Sometimes things just seem...harder for Nora. She's so sensitive. It makes me wonder if her entire life is going to be a little bit harder because she's less easygoing.

Also, sometimes I worry a little bit about Nora's total lack of empathy or compassion for Milo. If Milo is hurt or sad or crying, this does not bother Nora one whit and sometimes she'll even laugh. Which sends a chill down my spine. I hope this is normal for a two-year old, and doesn't mean she's going to be a sociopath or something.

And as long as I'm sharing weird things, sometimes it still seems like Milo sees ghosts. For instance, last night he was talking about how there was a woman in the sunroom watching him. She had a green shirt on and her name was Sophie. I have always had the impression that Milo sees stuff that I don't, which I explain through my own epistemological and ontological philosophy of non-objective perception of reality, but honestly, sometimes it gets a little creepy. It makes me wonder if he's going to be the kind of kid who has imaginary friends.

Still Paying for San Diego & Denver

You know what I want for Mother's Day? I just want to be able to take a freakin' crap without Nora going all hysterical on my ass. Seriously. I just want a little bit of freedom in my own house. I want to go to the bathroom BY MYSELF and not have to do it while listening to somebody cry, scream "MOMMY COME BACK", become hysterical, kick and flail around, scream louder than I thought possible, get the hiccups, and then listen to Jake trying in vain to reason with a hysterical, crying toddler while my stressed-out ass clenches up tight and says "Forget it, just live with the stomach ache, because nothing is happening now, sister."

My SAH Day

Our big excitement is that Nora pooped on the potty last night and she peed on the potty today. I think she's starting to get the hang of it. She tried again tonight and I could tell she knew what she was doing, but just didn't have anything to deposit, so to speak.

I really like how Nora narrates her intentionality all the time. Me: "Do you want to pee and poop on the potty?" Nora: "Yeah! Okay! I'll poop on the potty and then Mommy will be so excited! And then Mommy will say hooray!"

As I shared in FB Milo suddenly out of the blue started saying "Oh, fuck it!" at dinner tonight. I have no idea where that came from! I mean, maybe it is something I have said or Jake has said. It's certainly the kind of thing I would say. But I haven't said it recently, and he has never said this directly after me, so that means if he got it from us, one of us said it once, Milo did nothing and just filed it away in his brain, and then randomly brought it out at dinner tonight. What the heck? That is so weird.

Of course Jake started cracking up which didn't help at all, so I was hissing "ignore it" to him and then telling Milo that he must have gotten it wrong because that's not a word and the right way to say it is, "Oh forget it." And of course that didn't work at all, and instead Milo has this weird sixth sense for sussing out a curse word so he just kept saying it over and over again, and then Nora started laughing at it, which only encouraged it.

Neti Pot?

I am getting sick, a party I have planned for graduation is being overtaken by my in-laws' demands (now with extra houseguests, including Great Grandpa in the upstairs office), and the flight I have to book to Arkansas in a couple of weeks takes off at 6:35. In the A.M., people. I really need to start saying no to stuff.

And every time I return from a trip the kids' behavior goes straight to hell. I am getting tired of people in this house thinking they can start crying and carrying on every time a simple request is denied. And the phrase "But I want it" or "But I need it" is not something I need to hear repeated 80 thousand times at the level of a shriek. Just saying. I'm tired.

I am in a bad mood. But anyway, getting sick has me thinking about the neti pot. A lot of people have sworn by it so now I am thinking, I should probably go get a neti pot. It seems kind of disgusting but on the other hand, I suddenly remembered tonight that I basically used to do the exact same thing in a less controlled manner during my childhood summers.

We used to go stay with our grandparents in Pennsylvania, and I had allergies there. I couldn't breathe and it made it hard to sleep, so my grandmother would prepare a bowl of warm salt water. Then she would tell me to snort the water up one nostril, and then the other. It was uncomfortable, but it worked. She always knew how to make things better.

Trip

Huh. What a great trip!

Good session, interesting comments and insights that helped me think through a couple of issues with the paper I'm revising.

Fun times with people I haven't seen in a long time. Decent food, good wine, laughing so hard I cried.

I talked on the phone with Nora today and I wonder if maybe it was a mistake to call. She chatted on and on happily about all kinds of things that I couldn't tell you, because I was outside and there was traffic noise and I couldn't really hear her well enough to understand anything, other than the fact that she apparently climbed the stairs while talking to me. But when it was time to say good bye she got very upset and started crying, and I felt bad for her and for Jake because I introduced chaos into the house that he now had to deal with.

I have had so much fun at conferences this spring. Each one has been great. But I feel so guilty for traveling so much!

My Weekend Ends a Day Early

Nora's hair has been kind of a disaster as it's grown out; it's still thin in that toddler way, different parts are growing at different rates, and she's suffered under my hack job attempts to trim her bangs and hair. So today I finally took her to get an actual professional hair cut in an actual salon to try to neaten up all of the weirdness her hair has suffered. I didn't know how she would handle this, but I took her to a place that specializes in kids' hair cuts figuring that if she cried, at least they'd be used it it.

And she was a trouper! Nora got to sit in a seat shaped like a car for her haircut; it was a yellow taxicab. There were also cartoons on but she ignored them and instead spent the entire time driving the car and, unbeknownst to us, slowly unscrewing the bolt that held the steering wheel on, so it fell off and clattered to the ground halfway through her haircut. But it was all fine, and although Nora was basically silent throughout (a true rarity), she didn't get scared or cry, and her hair looks better now. It's still kind of wild, halfway in between wavy and curly, but at least it's out of her eyes.

Buddy came to work with a cold last week, and now the kids are sick. Milo had a 103 temperature today, and his cheeks were bright pink. In the afternoon Jake took Nora outside and in an unprecedented move, Milo didn't want to go out. He just wanted to sit on the sofa and read books with me, so that is what we did.

I go to Denver tomorrow. At least it's a direct flight. The weather isn't even supposed to be nice, which is kind of a bummer, but I'm looking forward to seeing people.

And now I have to travel again in 2 weeks down to Arkansas, which is weird. It'll be a short, 2-day trip. I have to go down there to get filmed providing some expert commentary on something. I am not super concerned about what I'll say, but I'm worried about the important things, of course; what should I wear? I kind of remember that solid colors are better than patterns. I suddenly feel like I need a light blue fitted collared shirt, why of all things do I need that? I don't know. I totally lack the appropriate professorial accoutrements for providing this kind of commentary (i.e. pipe, elbow patches, beard...). Also, all of my jackets are either too dated (from interviewing or early professor times), too edgy (cute but not good for looking authoritative), or otherwise flawed in some way. I feel like if I were the kind of person who had it more together, I'd have a better collection of hip-but-not-too-hip jackets for occasions such as these.