It is possible to eat lunch while making a phone call and paying the bills.
It is possible to write a letter of recommendation while pumping.
It is possible to write a blog post while pumping.
It is possible to fill the ice tray, get the mail, sort the mail, and go to the bathroom while holding a baby.
What I have not managed to master is the trick of getting a 3rd sleep chunk, showering, and eating lunch all in the same day. I sleep in chunks that range from about an hour at the worst to about 4 hours at the best -- barring an unusually bad or unusually good night. Typically they're about 2 hours. If I can squeeze in three chunks, I'm in pretty good shape, especially if one of the chunks is a little longer. But I can't get 3 chunks if I also want to shower and eat lunch. I can do two of the three. I just can't do all three.
The other day I was only able to manage two chunks and no shower, because I had been invited to a "Ladies Tea". The tea occurred from 9 - 11 a.m. and was hosted a couple of houses down from mine. Eager for some social interaction and eager to show that I'm not anti-social, after all, I decided to bring Nora to the tea and leave my mom to watch Milo. But the time slot meant no 3rd sleep chunk, and as things worked out, no shower either. I gussied up as best I could, which frankly wouldn't be a lot even in my pre-baby life, and headed on over with Nora. This was her first official outing and her first time in real clothes. Look how cute she was!
I love the little bunnies on her pants, and the matching bunny on her shirt/dress.
What amazed me was how many moms with babies were there and how great they all looked. They had all clearly showered. Not only had they showered, they were all wearing make-up and coordinated outfits. They all had enormous diamonds on their hands. Here I thought I'd been doing pretty well because my shirt was clean, but I was clearly outclassed. How do these people do it?
I thought I'd fit in better with the neighborhood ladies once I had babies, but I'm not exactly one of them. I no longer feel like I completely fit in with my work friends who don't have kids, either. Where do I fit exactly? I'm still figuring that out.
Motherhood is a massive identity change. It turns you upside down and kicks the shit out of who you thought you were. Who am I now?
2 comments:
They clearly only have ONE baby. :) You fit in w/ us! :) Though I don't work... I don't do the hair thing or the jewelry thing.. I do shower now that they are older, but I rememeber the days of "oh, my hair is looking pretty greasy I better find a way to shower today" ha :) Hang in there.. you are doing great! And it's all NORMAL! :)
I second 70.3's comment; they obviously only have one. I remember times not being able to shower, and I only had one. So they obviously also have children who are much older and allow for a routine that includes mom getting a shower. I wish I lived in beautiful Madison near you so I could invite you over for some hot chocolate and donuts (much better than tea - so posh!), and we could eat as many as we wanted while lounging around in our t-shirts and jeans with only our modest wedding bands and no make-up. Nora's coordinated outfit, however, would certainly be welcome. :) As for your identity crisis, I think you'd be abnormal NOT to be asking yourself these questions. Afterall, you ARE a different person. You weren't a mother before and now you are. That's huge. My babe is 15 months, and I'm still asking myself how I really want to balance work and motherhood, what makes me most satisfied, and what I want my "image" to be. You do recall me chopping off ALL of my hair a few months after Karina was born, right? I think that might have been part of this, "I'm a mother now; I have to look and behave like one." All in all, you should always be yourself, but I think it's just fine to take some time to figure out who "yourself as a mother" is. My advice, however, is to not chop off your hair. I'm now trying to grow it back while avoiding a mullet - very tricky.
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