Is every parent as afraid of their children dying as I am? Wait, I know that can't be the case, because Jake doesn't fear it the way I do. Is it a special fear reserved for mothers, or am I just extra neurotic?
Being a part of the infertile community has exposed me to too many tragedies. People go through the tragedy of pregnancy loss. Their babies are born too early. They lose their precious babies. It happens all the time. Images pop into my mind. Milo was sleeping with his little doggy blanket over his face tonight. What if he breathed in too many of his own exhalations and suffocated? What if Nora chokes and I can't get it out of her airway? What if we go up north and the in-laws' dog decides to attack one of the babies? What if that mole on Milo's hand is cancerous? What if one of the babies launches off of the changing table when my attention is diverted for just one second? What if Nora grabs something heavy and pulls it down on top of her? What if a car slams into us when I am driving with the babies?
Taking care of two babies who are hell-bent on self destruction is mentally exhausting. They have no fear, no sense of self preservation. If there were a rusty nail in the room they'd both launch themselves towards it to see who could get it in their mouth the fastest.
I can't sleep.
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