Age

Recently a friend wanted to get some advice on having kids at an older age.

I do admit that I think about age all the time now. I do a lot of mental calculations. When Milo and Nora are 10, I'll be 47. When they're in high school, I'll be in my 50s. When they go off to college, I'll be as old as my parents are now. Will I seem ancient to them? Will we have too much of an age gap for me to be able to empathize with them, for them to be able to relate to me?

When my parents were my age, I was already in college. Meanwhile, I have two one-year olds.

When Nora and Milo turn 30, I'll be 66. Will I still be youthful enough to be free of major health issues, able to get around? What if they have children in their 30s, will I be too old to really help out the way my mom helped me? Will they have to deal with young children and aging parent issues at the same time? Is that too much of a burden to place on them?

On the one hand, I just hope that I will live a long, long time. Tonight I listened to an interview with a man who wrote a book about dying. He is 51 and his father is 97. I think, okay, if I live until 97, my children will be 61. That seems fair. To lose me when they're in their 60s seems fair. But it also seems like a stretch. It's what I hope for, but I worry that it won't work out that way.

I worry that I will be older than all of their friends' parents. That I will seem old to them, just ancient. That I'll cease to be helpful and become decrepit too early in their lives. That I will miss out on them having families of their own.

I take some comfort in the fact that Jake is younger. I was 36 when the kids were born and Jake was 30. When the kids are 15, Jake will be 45. That still seems pretty young. Jake's grandparents lived long lives so hopefully he'll be around for a long, long time.

I wanted to have children in my twenties, but it didn't work out that way. I'm okay with that because I'm happy to have Milo and Nora and Jake. I just hope that I live to be at least 97.