Revelation

I figured something out just now, at 3 a.m. I figured out that for the last year and a half I've been trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle. I keep trying to figure out how to get Nora to sleep through the night, or even just how to prevent her from holding the entire family hostage some nights, as is her whim, but tonight I finally realized, there is no solution. There is just no solution to this problem!

Take tonight. Nora wakes up at 10:20. I soothe her for a while. Put her back down. She never really goes back to sleep so at about 10:30 or 10:40 or something, she's crying again. This wakes up Milo. He cries too. Both kids are upset now and Jake takes Milo out of the room. I soothe Nora and put her back to bed. But now she can't really sleep because Milo's not there. She fusses and moans and makes a racket. I give up, get her, and we all pile onto our bed, which Milo and Nora think is the greatest thing ever. They start an imitation game in which Milo says "Fa fa!" and pats the bed three times. Nora repeats this and then they both crack up, and do it over and over again. I'm pretty sure this is one of their secret codes. Like before they go to bed they agree to this: "Okay, if I say 'fa fa' and pat the bed 3 times, that means we torture the 'rents all night long. You do the same if you agree."

Now that the kids have been "reset", so to speak, we put them back to bed and miraculously they submit to that, and everybody goes to sleep.  I sleep from 11 to 2, at which point Nora is up and crying again. I go in and hold her for a while. She relaxes, I put her back to bed. This usually works...except for when it doesn't. Like tonight. She doesn't want me to leave. I go to the bathroom and she starts crying again, so I go back in there, comfort her from the crib, and Nora is happy and wide awake, jumping up and down in her crib. She thinks it's play time. 

And THIS is the situation for which there is no solution.  I can:

a) Spend my entire night appeasing her every whim, getting no sleep and ensuring that she gets no sleep.  Not acceptable.

b) Not do that, which means she will cry. But the problem is, Nora will scream hysterically for hours. Without stopping. Without winding down. Until Milo is up and the cats are up and Jake and I are ready to claw our ears off. 

So that's it. No solution. Either option sucks. Tonight I told her it was time for sleep, not for play, and I walked out of the room and she immediately started tantruming. She was very angry. I went to the basement (where we can't hear her). Jake joined me. We stayed down there for half an hour. I came up here and she was going stronger than ever. I gave up, as I always do, because I just don't have the stomach for it. Nora is stronger than me. She can scream longer than I can endure it. Much, much longer. I held her until 3, put her back to bed. And I thought all was okay but now it's 3:15 and she is crying hysterically once again.

So...no solution.  From what I've heard kids like this don't sleep through until they're 4 or 5.  So another 2 or 3 years of this, I suppose.