Wow, I just had a giant tantrum over my iPhone screwing up. I updated it to iOS 5.1, which was a huge mistake. First because it took 3 hours to download and update, so that was really really annoying, and second because then it caused my phone to think it had no SIM card. So the update basically broke my phone. Then, when I followed the online advice to restore the phone to factory settings, that just made it even worse because it wouldn't restore properly due to thinking it had no SIM card. So I no longer even had my home screen or anything, I just had a phone with no data on it and a repeating error message that it couldn't complete the restore because it had no SIM card. And I was freaking out because I need to get on a plane tomorrow and somehow, the idea of traveling without my phone is absolutely fucking unthinkable, despite the fact that I did it regularly, like, a year ago.
So I called the Apple help line and had to talk to the automated computer guy, who really wasn't helping at all because after I'd given him my name and the type of phone I have, he wanted my phone's serial number. And for this to make sense you need to know that I was already in a state of being really, really mad by the time I called the help line.
Automated computer guy: What is your phone's serial number?
Me: Uh, I don't know! God!
Automated computer guy: You can say, "I don't have one", or "Tell me how to find it."
Me: Tell me how to find it.
Automated computer guy: You can say, "Find it on my home screen" or "Find it in iTunes."
Me: Uh...(home screen won't work, I don't have a home screen anymore)...find it in iTunes.
Automated compter guy: At any time you can say, "repeat", or "continue". Open itunes.
Me: ...
Automated computer guy: ...
Me: Continue.
Automated computer guy: Look on the sidebar under devices. Click on your iPhone device.
Me: Continue.
Automated computer guy: At the top of the device screen --
Me: No. That's not going to work. My device screen just has an error message because my phone thinks it has no SIM card.
Automated computer guy: I didn't catch that. Please state your request again.
Me: That's not going to work. I CAN'T GET MY SERIAL NUMBER.
Automated computer guy: I didn't catch that. Please state your request again.
Me: SERIOUSLY OMG DON'T MAKE ME GIVE YOU MY SERIAL NUMBER JUST TO TALK TO A REAL PERSON. GIVE ME A REAL PERSON GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. GOD DAMN IT! FUCK!
Automated computer guy: I --
Me: OH NO YOU DON'T JUST GIVE ME A GOD DAMN HELP PERSON! AAAAUGGGHHHHHHHH!
Automated computer guy: I am transferring you to our next available agent.
And then while the help music was playing I took an old plastic drumstick of the kids that belongs to a now-gone drum, one I've been meaning to throw out, and I took that thing and bent it over my knee so I could snap that motherfucker in half. Except it was fucking plastic, so it didn't snap at all. It just bent. So then I had an L-shaped plastic drumstick, which is way less satisfying than snapping it in half, so I threw it down the stairs. Because that's the mature way to handle things.
Seriously, when it comes to phone problems, computer glitches, and help lines, I can really lose my shit.
1 comment:
So glad that it's fixed!
I flip out like that about computer stuff and car stuff and major house stuff.
I had a Windows update crunch my laptop once and mess it all up. I refuse to update Windows now. When is an update not an update? When it ruins the machine.
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