Slow Parenting

I was reading a blog in which some of the commenters were sharing their experiences in starting up various clubs for their elementary-school children. In one case, a mother started up a Lego club, and in another a mother started up a board-games club.

My reaction to this is, WTF? Now you need a club to play with legos and to play games? Can't you just, you know, play with legos? Or get together with your friends and play some games? We seriously have to make a club for this? And not only that, but the kids themselves aren't making the clubs, their moms are doing it for them?!?

This is so not me. And I don't think it has to do with the work/SAH divide either -- even if I weren't working, I highly doubt I'd be organizing clubs like that. I do think there's some benefit to leaving kids alone to play on their own every now and then. To make up their own games and roam around in giant feral packs in which they blow conch shells and steal Piggy's glasses.

I'll let you know how this plan plays out if my daughter ever consents to playing on her own, without Mama holding her or watching her. If it works out, I envision relaxing afternoons on the sofa, reading magazines and sipping iced tea whilst the children play happily at their own games.

So in theory, I espouse a more laid-back, hands-off approach to parenting in contrast to the hothouse environment in which many kids find themselves these days. But I have also realized lately that it's easier to philosophize about this than to put it into action. In particular, there is the issue of preschool. This fall, the kids will be 2 years and 9 months old. Too young for preschool right? I never went to preschool that young, nor did my peers. But in my neighborhood, all of the parents start sending their kids to preschool at age 2.

I don't believe there is much of a benefit to this -- or rather, I think there would be benefits, but they'd be outweighed by the costs in terms of the kids getting sick all the time, the hassle it would introduce into our lives to be up and out the door by a specified time each morning, and, mainly, the stress it would pose for Nora. My insticts tell me that Nora won't be ready. That she will cry and rend her garments, and I don't want her to end up the Piggy of the group. Also, the kids will only be TWO. Can't they go to preschool when they're 3 years and 9 months? Our city will have 4-year old half-day kindergarten by the time they're 4, and full-day kindergarten when they're 5, so it's not like there isn't a whole hell of a lot of school in their near future.

So, I don't think it makes sense to send them to preschool this fall, but it has turned out to be harder to stick by this than I thought it would be. The kids have friends in the neighborhood, and those parents are spending this month visiting the various preschools and getting on the various waiting lists. Open houses are in January and I'm not attending them. I am the lone resister. Come fall, the other parents will be posting pictures to FB of "Caleb's first day of school!" complete with backpack and lunch pail, and meanwhile Nora and Milo will be busy trying to shove a crayon up each other's noses.

They might also play with some Legos, but damn if I'm going to start a club.