One of my project assistants was telling me a funny story. He and his wife attended their first parent-teacher conference a couple of years ago when his son was two. The preschool teacher was looking at a list of standards, and she mentioned that his son didn't walk backwards yet, which apparently was on the list, but they shouldn't worry, it was fine, and he would eventually be able to do so. My research assistant and his wife started sharing startled glances with one another, whispering to each other, "He can walk backwards, right? I'm sure he can! I'm pretty sure I've seen him walk backwards!" As soon as he got home that evening, he asked his son to walk backwards, which his son did with no problem.
Today was my first parent-teacher conference (on the parent side of the table, that is) and it was quite different from what my project assistant described. No checklist of standards -- this is a much more touchy feely preschool that is interested in nurturing the children's interests and abilities. The teachers care about their social and emotional development and we talked mostly about that.
One interesting challenge facing both kids is finding a way to connect with the other children when there is something of a language barrier. The teachers described both Milo and Nora as verbally adept, which is great in that they can share conversation with each other and the teachers, which they do, but it doesn't work very well to share conversation with the other children yet. Nora gravitates towards the older children in the school when she sees them in the hall or the bathroom (and they like to cluster around her and try to "help" her with things because she is so tiny). There is one other child in the class who is developing a vocabulary similar to Milo's and he recently had a nice conversation with Milo at lunch about the numbers on their shirts. The teachers photographed this exchange and it was so adorable, Milo and this other boy were cracking up and having a delightful time. One of the teachers' goals is to foster a friendship between Milo and this other boy, as they've noticed that they play together a lot.
I like the fact that this is the type of thing their teachers are attending to and thinking about, in contrast to some list of standards or skills. What's most important at this age, I think, is helping the kids connect with others socially, enjoy themselves at school, be good citizens, develop confidence in their ability to do things, and explore the world. Not meet some checklist of milestones like "walk backwards".
Milo, much more than Nora, is willing to play in the midst of all the other kids and be a part of the group. I had been wondering whether Milo and Nora were aggressive with the other kids the way they are with each other at home, but apparently they are not and it is even somewhat the reverse in that Milo will defer to the other kids or let them take something away from him. I wonder if this is why he instigates things with Nora so much at home. Nora, on the other hand, is much more likely to want to be off doing her own thing, such as creating a painting. She will play with the other kids too, but not as much as Milo, and she is not as social as Milo. So one goal is to help her become a little more outgoing and confident in her interactions with the other children. I think as it is now she much prefers interacting with the teachers, who she loves.
This reminds me of a note I found once in Jake's old memorabilia from his own preschool assessment: It said "prefers self play". Maybe Nora just takes after Jake in that way.
The teachers mentioned that Nora loves to teach people. One day she figured out how to use a big long stick to twirl a hanging mobile around and around, and the children gathered around her as she showed all of them how to do it. Another day they went out onto the playground and put out a bar and Nora hung upside down on it, which awed the other kids and they wanted to do it too. So Nora set about trying to teach them how to do it. The teachers said that Nora likes to be the little teacher and tell the other kids what's what -- hmm, sound familiar?
I don't think the teachers are going to be emphasizing academic skills like letters and reading and math with the children at this point. They prefer to follow the children's interests as a class, and they encourage a lot of artistic expression like painting, dancing, singing, etc. This is probably just what they need right now. Nora and Milo are barely three, and I'm not convinced that pushing them into academic skills at an early age is the way to go. They are definitely interested in letters, shapes, and numbers, and their teachers interact with those interests and encourage them, so it's not like they don't get that. (They get it at home too. Nora has begun asking which word in which when we read a book; Milo always asks what letter various words start with; Nora likes to skip count with me where we alternate 1-2-3-etc. up to 20 or 30; Milo likes to spell his name and Nora's name out loud at breakfast; The kids like to have me make words on the fridge and they can recognize several words like Milo, Nora, Cat, Sam, and Hi. So they do get exposure to literacy and numeracy, but in a way that is initiated by them and follows their curiosity, which is how I think it should be.) I feel comfortable doing this stuff with them at home, but I am much less adept at fostering artistic expression, so I think their school environment is a great complement to my natural inclinations.
I do sometimes wonder how the kids are going to do socially when they get to school. The verbal gap they're experiencing now may continue as they get older (or it may not), and it could be increased by the fact that Nora and Milo will be "old" kindergarteners (5 and 3/4) when they start. They'll probably be in a room with some kids who are barely 5. I am a little worried about this sometimes, that it might not be all that great for them to be some of the oldest kids in the class when they start. I had always figured that would be a good thing because of their small size. Even though they'll be the oldest, I bet they'll still be the smallest. So especially for Milo's sake, I don't think it would help him socially in the long run to start him early and have him always be the very smallest boy in the class. But sometimes I do wonder if waiting until they're 5 and 3/4 would be waiting too long. We do have the option in our district to enroll them early if they are deemed ready (and this includes physical development, not just academic development). I guess we'll see when the time comes.
I can anticipate that the combination of being unusually small and talkative little buggers might be an ongoing challenge for the kids, because it was like that for me. People *always* assumed I was a lot younger than I actually was (this continued up until I was about 30). So, as a kid and a teen, this also included people assuming that I would be dumber than I was (because they thought I was younger), and then being surprised. You always get underestimated by random adults when they think you're a couple of years younger than you actually are. Even now, random adults are constantly remarking on what great talkers Milo and Nora are, and I bet this happens because people probably assume the kids are barely 2, not 3. I kind of wish the kids were more normal sized, but what can you do?
Anyway, one last thing I'm really happy about is the fact that the teachers at the preschool are going to stay with the same group of kids next year as they move up into the 3-4 room. So next fall the kids will be in a different room at school, but they'll be with the same group of kids, and they will have the same teachers. This is awesome because their teachers are wonderful!
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