Odds & Ends

1st week of the semester. Kicking my ass. I am too tired to say much. My classes seem to be great, lovely students. But so many meetings! Why do people want to meet all the time? It takes up so much time. I kind of feel like it's going to be ages and ages before I get any research done.

Dirty little secret: I kind of didn't get any research done this summer.

I know. Well, we did collect data for 5 weeks. So there's that. But the summer got gobbled up with my tenure case and revising books and stuff and then I just ran out of time to write something new. Also, I worked fewer hours this summer, which I needed. So I'm trying not to freak out about being sort of research unproductive this summer. I'd like to get something done this fall, though. In between all of the freaking meetings.

Also, I got put on IRB. Which is ironic considering how much I hate our IRB. They're going to assimilate me, I just know it.

Department tenure vote is on Monday. Also, I joined a crossfit class twice a week. And now I am so sore I can barely move. Seriously. So. Sore. I thought I was in decent enough shape with the running and whatnot. I WAS WRONG. But anyway, this is my plan for this year. The plan is "balance". As in, don't sacrifice everything for work. Time to start paying attention to health more, time to allow myself to skip a morning of work to go on a field trip with the kids' school, and so forth. Time to relax just a little bit and breathe a little more deeply.

Milo is of the opinion these days that he doesn't like me or love me. Only Daddy. He doesn't hug me, he hates it when I try to hug or kiss him, and he doesn't even want to do much cuddling to be comforted when he's hurt now. He's all big boy, shunning any motherly affection. I saw this coming like a year ago, when I kept seeing him on the cusp between baby and boy. I would relish my ability to cuddle him then, seeing the future Milo in all of his bravado and boyness, too big to want to sit on Mommy's lap. A year ago he was more roly poly, pot belly toddler, now he's all long arms and legs, big boy. Anyway, it's natural (although he's kind of being an asshole with the whole "I don't love you" crap), and I'm trying not to let it bother me too much. The hard thing with twins is that they're the same age so there's no wiggle room for treating your kids differently due to being at different developmental stages. So Nora, still Mommy's girl, likes me to hold her and cuddle her, and will give me hugs. But then I feel weird about having too much of this with Nora when I can't have any of it with Milo, thus further cementing differences in how I behave with each of them. So I find myself ruffling Milo's hair, holding his hand, patting his back, getting close in whatever way he'll allow me.