This morning was definitely the worst time we've had since that day. It was 22 degrees out, and Nora wanted to wear a short-sleeved shirt and no socks. She hates socks. She hates long-sleeved shirts, and she hates sweaters. She tells me that long-sleeved shirts bother her hands. This is hard for her, since winter is coming. (She says, "I wish it were summer again.") I made her wear a long-sleeved shirt, which annoyed her right off the bat, and then she was unhappy about everything after that. She didn't come downstairs when I told her to (defiantly yelling "NO!"). She didn't want to put on her winter coat. She was pissed that I made her put on socks. Pretty much everything was pissing her off at that point, so she was yelling and grousing constantly in the way that she does when she gets into that kind of mood.
I was angry too, but not yelling at her, but I let Milo get into the car first since he was behaving well. This incensed her, and she was screaming at me the whole time I was strapping Milo in, and then when it was time for her to get into her carseat, she refused. So I had to pick her up and physically put her into her carseat, and she's screaming and fighting me like a banshee the whole time. Like a cat who doesn't want to go in the carrier. I didn't yell at her or react. I drove them to school. She's yelling at me the whole way there. She's demanding that I let her out of the car. The thing that is challenging about times like this is that Nora doesn't know how to stop for a second and just breathe. She has to complain and yell the whole time, and her brain races to find random things to demand so she can meet that need. Like, let me out here! Park the car here, in the street! I don't want to go into the parking lot! I don't want to get out of the car! I don't want to go into the school! Put me back into the car! Auuuughhhh!
So I'm a robot the whole time, and get them into the school, get her coat off (after much protesting and refusing to cooperate), get her hat off, and the whole time in the hallway she is yelling about how she doesn't want to go into the classroom, and PUT HER BACK INTO THE CAR, and I'm basically just not reacting. Then I make her go into the classroom, half carrying her, and I deposit her into the arms of her teacher and say, "Here. Take her." Then I say "Goodbye" and leave immediately as Nora starts thrashing and crying. I felt like I needed to leave immediately because I could not take one more second of being with Nora or I was going to lose my temper and yell at her.
So...I didn't get emotional, and I didn't yell at Nora.
So why do I feel so bad?
As I drove home, I realized all the things I could have done to help Nora, that I didn't think to do because I was so clouded by my anger and frustration. What I should have done, once Milo was happily in the classroom and Nora was still freaking out in the hallway, was sit with her. I should have sat down and put her into my lap and held her and comforted her. I should have talked to her about how angry she was, and how it was such a rough morning. But I didn't do any of those things, because I was so pissed off. I should have remembered that she is three, and this is what three-year olds do sometimes. And the times when I am the angriest are probably precisely the times when she most needs some comforting and hugging.
So, I feel like it was another parenting fail. I only realized after the fact, when I was no longer in the moment with all that screaming and grousing, the right thing to do. So hopefully reflecting on it now will help me remember this the next time, and hopefully I can take the time to give her some comfort next time when she needs it.
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