Wanted

One time, many months ago, Nora asked me how I decided to have a boy and a girl. I explained that you don't get to decide what you get. Either you have a boy or a girl in your belly when you're pregnant, but you don't get to choose which. And sometimes you get to find out with an ultrasound before the baby is born. I explained that when we found out we were having a boy and a girl, we were so excited and happy, because I had always wanted both.

Nora was interested in that. "You always wanted a boy and a girl?" she asked. I explained, "Yes. I always wanted both a girl and a boy. So I was so lucky that I got to have you and Milo. You were exactly what I wanted!"

This story has stuck with Nora and she likes to revisit it. She'll bring it up at certain times and she likes to repeat the important parts. We'll be taking a walk, for instance, and Nora will suddenly pipe up, "Were you so lucky that you got to have a boy and a girl?" And I'll agree that I was so lucky, because that was exactly what I always wanted.

Or we'll be driving to the grocery store and Nora will ask, out of the blue, "Did you always want to have a boy and a girl? Were we exactly what you wanted?" And I'll say, "Yes. You are exactly what I always wanted!"

Nora likes to tell this story to herself. I think she likes to hear the story about how much she was wanted, and that I was so lucky because I got her and Milo.

And that sure is the truth. I want them to know how wanted they were. There is just one time in my life that I remember literally crying from happiness, and that was the time when we had our first ultrasound and our doctor told us that he saw two little sacs and two beating hearts. And I started sobbing, right there on the table, out of joy and relief. Some day I will tell Nora that story too. Two beating hearts.

Just what I always wanted.