Anniversary

(I meant to post this last year, for our 5th anniversary, but never got around to finishing it. So here we are a year later...)

I met Jake in the summer, when it was humid and the days lasted until 10 p.m. and the whole world was green. I walked off the street into his real estate office because I just happened to see it as I was strolling by. On a whim, I stopped and walked in. It was raining.

Jake was sweet and funny and I had just moved to town 2 days ago.

A couple of weeks later I was again in Jake's office one day, working on some paperwork to buy my house, and he mentioned "If you'd like somebody to show you around Madison, I'd be happy to do that." I cheerfully chirped, as I was walking out the door, "Oh, that sounds great! See you!" and left thinking, it'll be nice to make a new friend so soon.

So Jake had to call me up on the telephone and ask me out on a real honest to goodness date before I figured out what was going on.

I was not particularly interested in a relationship. I had been busy extricating myself from all kinds of things in the world of relationships, and what I really wanted to do was just have a fling. Jake was perfect for that. For one thing, he was way too young for me. He was only 26 when I met him. For another thing, Jake violated one of the rules on my "datable" list. There were certain features that I considered deal breakers in terms of getting into a serious relationship, like being a Republican, or wearing a baseball cap backwards all the time, or having been in a fraternity, or wearing man chains. (Man necklaces?) Some of these things were aesthetic, like the man chain rule, and some were more ideological, like the Republican rule.

Anyway, one of my deal breakers was "majored in business". Jake majored in business (and German) in college, and I thought, great! There's no way I'll really get along with somebody who was a business major, I mean, sheesh. A business major. Come on. So no risk of getting too attached to him.

(That's the problem with stereotypes.)

But Jake was so gentle and funny. On our first date, he said "Do you ever like to just lie under a tree in the middle of summer, and read a book? And maybe watch the clouds go by, and listen to the birds?" And I said, "Uh...yeah, I guess so." Then he said, "That's really lame." And I cracked up, and thought, okay, this is a person I can definitely get along with.

After that date, by the way, he sent me a thank you note. As in, a real card, handwritten, sent to my snail-mail address in a stamped envelope. Thanking me for having gone out to dinner with him -- even though he had paid for it! To this day I'm still pretty impressed with how classy that move was, and how sort of...quaintly old fashioned it was.

It seems like everybody talks about a sense of humor as being important in a relationship, so it's such a cliche, but it's so true. I wonder if this is because having a good sense of humor means that you're on the same page about things. The fact that Jake's remarks always crack me up means that he's not only funny, but it kind of feels like we're woven from the same cloth. Like, I just get him. That's often how I feel about people who I find really funny. And that's part of what was so fun about being around Jake.

When I had been seeing Jake for a few weeks, I happened to get off the phone with my advisor just as Jake arrived at my house. We had this conversation:

Jake: I somehow get the feeling that your advisor doesn't like me.
Me: It's not that. It's just that she thinks you're...a distraction.

A look of real hurt crossed over his face, and he physically stepped away from me.

Jake: I hope I'm more than just a distraction to you.

And I was thinking, well, do you really care? I mean, you're 26. But then I figured out, oh. You do care, don't you. And then he said "Please don't discount me just because of my age."

We had been together for 6 weeks when Jake suggested that we should get married. Marriage was not what I was looking for. But by the time 6 weeks had passed, I already knew that Jake was for me. I knew that we would get married. I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him. I knew these things in a way that I had never known it before. I just knew.

And a year later, we got married. That was 6 years ago today.

These days, Jake and I sometimes reminisce about those early years and how luxurious they were, how much time we had, how much sleep we got before we had kids. We are so busy now that sometimes it feels like a miracle if we even get the chance to have one decent conversation a week. Dealing with preschoolers and tantrums and laundry and the gas bill is nothing like the heady, exciting summer days of a new relationship. Everybody goes through that. But what I marvel at again and again is that all I have to do is stop for a moment and I can easily see him just as I did back then. He is just as beautiful to me, so much so that it hits me like a punch in the gut. I inevitably grow more cheerful as I approach home because I look forward to seeing his face. Home is a happy, comfortable, warm place to be because he is there.

I totally don't believe in fate. But damn, sometimes I can't believe my luck that I walked into his office on a rainy June day.