Procrastination

I've noticed something interesting today as part of my role in a service task for our national organization. I've had to assign reviewers to proposals, and reviewers needed to complete their reviews by the end of the day today. They've had them for about 3 weeks, and last night we sent out a reminder email that their reviews are due. We asked them to have them done by "the end of the day tomorrow".

So now it's 5 p.m. today, and as I look at the statistics I see that out of our 134 submissions, 2/3 of them have not been fully reviewed yet, and 1/3 of them have been. So 2/3 of the submission still need to be reviewed -- at 5 p.m. on the deadline day! I knew people liked to wait until the last minute, but this is more extreme than I would have guessed. I find it kind of funny to note that pretty serious procrastination, down to the wire, appears to be the rule rather than the exception.

(Although just to be clear, I'm not innocent of this myself. Just last week I completed an article review only about an hour before the deadline, and I'd had it for 6 weeks.)

What I Did on My Summer "Vacation"

It's been a busy summer in the life of your typical tenure-track Mama. Here's what I did:

-- Traveled to Portland with the family for one vacation, and went "up north" to stay at the lake for some R&R for a second weekend trip.

-- Had two weekends by myself when the family took trips without me.

-- Finished and submitted an R&R, got one article rejected, revised it and re-submitted it, got the article accepted.

-- Finished analyzing the data for a second article (writing it now).

-- Completed revisions on a book chapter.

-- Outlined a co-authored article.

-- Hosted two work conferences for out-of-town colleagues.

-- Outlined two books.

-- Went through the big transition with the kids to lose their pacifiers, and I'm happy to say they are now 100% pacifier free (we went cold turkey).

-- Potty trained one child.

-- Traveled to Arkansas to be filmed discussing issues of teaching and learning particular math topics.

-- Finished a major consulting project developing online content for the professional development of Algebra II teachers.

-- Chaired or sat on the committees of 3 dissertations and 3 master's theses.

-- Developed the content for two new mathematics courses for in-service teachers while overseeing the development of the remaining three courses.

-- Received my first royalty check for a book I co-authored.

-- Wrote and submitted two proposals for the American Educational Research Association (AERA).

-- Organized and assigned reviewers to 134 proposals for AERA.

-- Transitioned my children from booster seats with trays to big-kid chairs at the dinner table.

-- Grew my first tomato.

-- Attended 10 project meetings.

-- Watched my children develop the concept of threeness.

-- Walked roughly 168 miles to and from work.

-- Attended one child's birthday party, one grown up's birthday party, a dozen playdates, one baby shower, and cooked dinners for three families with new babies.

-- Had several outings with good friends, ate delicious food, drank excellent wine, watched sailboats at the terrace, and listened to several great bands.

-- Visited countless parks and playgrounds.

-- Had one date with my husband.

You know us professors, we have it so easy, what with our summers "off"! By the way, I did all of this without getting paid a single cent from my institution. Fortunately, I do have national grants providing me with some salary this summer for doing particular research activities, but the month of August has been an unpaid month.

Dancing

Nora and Milo were having a grand old time chasing each other through the house this evening. It is so nice to watch them enjoy each other. Then Nora ran up to Milo in the kitchen, and he just stopped, listening to the song that had come on, and said to Nora, "Shall we dance to the music?" Nora said, "Okay!" and they started dancing.

By the time I started filming they were vamping for the camera, but it's still cute:

Crisis of Confidence

I am having a big crisis of confidence at work. I know that I need to just get over it and move on, and I'm starting to do that, but it is amazing how hard this is.

I am trying to write a paper that I view as my last big important-for-tenure paper. I need to get it accepted for publication before I go up for tenure because I intend to use it as my second "signature paper". This is one of two papers that everybody on the divisional committee will read (that tricky cross-disciplinary committee that keeps denying my colleagues tenure), everybody who has to write me an external letter will read, etc. So it needs to be, in my mind, a very good paper.

Moreover, my first signature paper, which is in review after an R&R in our field's top journal (oh please oh please oh please), is a very social paper. It represents my shift to attending to social processes in the classroom and how they support a particular type of mathematical activity. It is still a pretty mathematical paper, but its social nature represents a shift for me, an expansion beyond what I have done before. I feel like this next paper needs to represent the other side of my research, the highly cognitive side. So this paper is a conceptual analysis of an area of math learning that hasn't really been explored conceptually before. I see it as balancing out the first paper.

The issues are that it's hard to do well, and I am building on two big things. The first is the notion of a conceptual analysis, and I need to write a good enough paper that what I produce stands up to that term. I am afraid that it won't, and people will read it and say "You think that is a conceptual analysis? It is way more shallow than that, and you suck."

The other big thing is that I want to build on this very specific idea that this very smart and famous guy produced a few years back. But I am totally too chicken to really do that. Because I know they'll have him review the paper, and I'm afraid he'll say "You think that what you've done builds on my idea? You totally missed the mark, you completely misinterpreted my idea, and you don't know what you're doing." Lest you think this is just me being hysterical, this is actually completely realistic. In fact last year Famous Guy #2 (who is waaaay smarter than me, way older, an international leader in the field) did build on Famous Guy #1's idea. And Famous Guy #1 totally trashed him in exactly that way. He did say, "You missed the mark entirely, you messed up." So if Famous Guy #2 can't get it right, what makes me think I can?

This is further complicated by the fact that Famous Guy #1 is somebody my mentor is thinking of soliciting for a letter for me. So I can't go and write a crappy paper that incorrectly builds on his idea, now can I?

So, this paper has to a) be very cognitive and mathematical, b) achieve the status of providing a conceptual analysis of a new content area, c) correctly build on famous guy's idea, d) get accepted into a top journal this year, and e) be a "signature example" of what makes my research so awesome, i.e., totally showcase my awesomeness. Which is a hell of a lot of pressure to put on one paper. I am super afraid to write this paper.

That said, I'm just soldiering on, but it is really hard. It is hard and scary. I think I just need to tell myself that even if I don't get this paper accepted, it'll be okay, I could always fall back on a different piece to showcase my work. Just because I want it to be this one doesn't mean that I won't get tenure if it isn't, in the end, this one. But still, gaaaaaah. I have never experienced this much writer's block or serious self doubt in my work, and that is including the dissertation. This is the hardest paper I've ever had to write.

I have no idea why I overused the word "totally" so much in this post.

Sticker Shock

I just bought beds, a dresser, a night stand, a small bookcase/nightstand, a medium bookcase, and some canvas storage bins for Milo and Nora. Furniture won't ship for a few weeks, so there is still time to buy:

-- Bedding

-- Mattresses (I'm thinking of buying organic without the cancer-causing chemicals or flame retardants)

-- Comforters or quilts

-- Rugs?

-- A light for Milo

-- A nightlight for Nora

-- Wall decor? (But they seem to hate pictures)

Whose room gets the glider? What other things for outfitting a kid's room am I forgetting? I'm sure quite a bit. We already have a dresser for Nora and an old bookcase that I intend to paint for her. I was thinking maybe I would include Nora in deciding what kind of sheets and comforter she would like -- maybe I'll take her to the store with me. I already know that Milo would LOVE construction vehicle sheets, but I'm not quite sure what Nora would like.

This means we have to get rid of our futon, and find some place to put my desk and office things. Eventually I will use the sunroom off of our living room as my office, but right now it is the kids' playroom and I don't want them to lose that quite yet, as they are still too young. So I'll just be without an office for a year or two, which is a drag but will hopefully be okay as I tend to do most of my work on the sofa anyway.

Overwhelming! In just a month or so, they will be in their own rooms in big-kid beds!

(Why yes, I did find both of them climbing out of their cribs tonight, why do you ask?)

Cranky Pants

Well, Nora didn't have any successes in the potty today and just had accidents in her underwear. She didn't seem to have good feelings about the potty, so we're all done for now. It's back into diapers tomorrow. Meanwhile, Milo soldiers on. He's still doing a terrific job. I think Milo has the ability to sit down on the potty and deliberately relax in order to pee, and Nora can't do that yet. She can hold it, but she can't pee on command.

I also think the potty stuff has been upsetting her because she has gotten crankier and crankier over the past couple of days. Tonight she was an absolute bear. She just insisted on arguing with me over and over and over again. It's nuts. I hate to think what she'll be like when she is actually capable of arguing. She will not let it go! For instance, before bed she wanted to stand on a stool and try to touch the ceiling. I said no, and it's too dangerous, and she could fall, so no. And then she just can't let it go:

Nora: But I want to! I need a stool!

Me: I said no. Do you want to read a book with me? (Lame attempt at distraction)

Nora: Stool! Stool!

Me: Oooo, Milo, look at that train you're building! (Deliberate ignoring)

Nora: But I need something to stand on! I want to stand on a stool! I want to stand on a stool!

Me: (Gazes off into the distance and ignores)

Nora: Stool, Mommy! Stool! Mommy, I need a stool to stand on! I want one! (Getting teary)

Me: Nora, I said no. I'm not going to discuss it with you.

Nora: (Yelling) BUT I NEED A STOOL TO STAND ON! STOOL! STOOL! STOOL!

Jake: Oooo, do we have our own copy of Victor Vito? Look at that, we have a Victor Vito CD, should we play it? (Lame attempt at distraction)

Nora: I WANT A STOOL TO STAND ON MOMMY! I don't want to stand on the floor! But I don't want to! But I need something to stand on! I need something! I need a stool to stand on! I need it Mommy! But I want a stool!

Me: Nora, you seem to be operating under the false assumption that you are allowed to continue an argument with me after I have made my decision. Once I have decided, it is no longer up for discussion.

Nora: Don't use that word! Don't say that!

Me and Jake: (Trying not to laugh)

Nora: STOP LAUGHING! But I don't want to stand on the floor! I need a stool!

On, and on, and on, and on. Seriously, she doesn't give up. And once I say no I NEVER change my mind and give in. Even I'm not that dumb. I'm not going to give her the impression that all of this insane toddler-esque arguing actually works. Eventually I told her I was leaving the room and I would be back when she was done arguing.

Arguing with a toddler is like arguing with a crazy person. They don't follow the rules at all. It's like if I'm having an argument about whether we should put lights on the bike path in order to make it safer for people, and I say "As somebody who walks on the path after dark I would feel safer with it lighted, especially after the attacks on the path over the past year." And then the other person will respond, "But the sky is blue in the summer!!!" and then look at me expectantly, as if that disconnected statement has trumped everything and clearly won the argument. And then I'm all, uh, wait, what? And then the other person starts crying angrily and hurling random objects at my head.

I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when Nora is actually capable of deductive reasoning and logical inference, and can formulate a real argument.

Conversation

At breakfast this morning, after Jake had already gone to work:

Milo: I'd like Daddy to hold me.
Me: You love Daddy, don't you.
Milo: Yeah. Do I love trees?
Me: I don't know, do you?
Milo: Oh yeah. It's really beautiful outside!

Potty Training Day 3

This morning I took Nora to the doctor to have a look at her rash. It isn't yeast, and the doctor wasn't really able to diagnose it or get a good culture. So we have another prescription cream, this time for eczema-like issues, even though it's not eczema. She said that Nora should see a pediatric dermatologist and when I tried to get an appointment, they won't see her until Sept. 26, 5 weeks from now. Thanks, HMO.

So we have to wait until the end of the week to let it continue to get worse, and then Nora's doctor will intervene to try to get an earlier appointment with the dermatologist. If this system sounds stupid and like we are needlessly causing Nora extra days of discomfort for no good reason, that's because we are. I guess I'll see how it goes with the new cream, though.

Milo is continuing to do a great job with the potty and Nora only peed in the potty once today. She held it for hours before that. This evening, though, she peed on the floor twice, huge amounts. It is obvious she has control to hold it, but for some reason does not want to pee in the potty. Maybe this is due to her rash, but she hasn't been complaining about it and seems to be happy sitting on the big toilet on her own volition (but just not peeing in it). So I think we'll give it one more day and if she doesn't improve, we'll give up and try again in a couple of months.

I kind of wonder if, in this case, cloth diapers is going to be kind of a drawback when it comes to potty training. The kids are totally used to the feeling of a wet cloth diaper on them. That is probably not any different from the feeling of wet underwear. So to them, it'd probably feel "normal" to wet their pants.

To be honest the kids are wearing me out right now. I am finding it hard to divide my attention between them and the beginning of the school year and my attempts to grasp enough time to finish my current article. I feel like the need to continue the big last-chance-before-tenure publishing push is competing with the need to focus heavily on the kids right now, who are both in intense and needy stages for various reasons of their own.

I feel like I need to be stronger and just keep barreling forward for just one more year or so...things will get easier, the kids will not always be two, I will not always be gazing at the upcoming tenure process...

At some point, in a year or two, things are going to ease up.

Potty Training Day 2

Milo has had a great time with the potty training! He hasn't had a single accident in 2 days! When he feels like he needs to go, he just runs to the potty to pee, all on his own. He loves our happy dance and is just so happy to please. Given Milo's historical complete lack of interest in all things potty related, I am totally surprised at how completely he has taken to it so far.

This is yet another situation in which if I'd only had one child, and that child was Milo, I would be a completely insufferable parent. "What do you mean, your baby doesn't sleep through the night? What do you mean, your toddler won't eat vegetables? All you have to do is be firm and consistent and it'll all work out!" Thank goodness I have Nora to take me down about 500 notches.

Nora has had a fair amount of success on the potty too. She has pooped in the potty twice, and she seems to find it easier to poop in the potty than pee. She peed once on the big toilet today, but that was it. Other times it was obvious Nora had to go, and she kept leaking and having mini accidents, and she would sit on the potty for about 0.5 seconds, but then pop back up again, not able to let herself just pee. I kind of think that part of what makes this hard for Nora is that if she knows that there is something I WANT her to do, this makes it very hard for her to do it. Her need for control and power is so strong. So is mine. It is the perfect set-up for a never-ending power struggle between parent and child and so, being the adult here, it is on my shoulders to not let that happen. Which means I need to back off, back off, and back off some more when it comes to Nora and let her find her own way. Also, to make it totally non-emotional and boring.

I realized this halfway through the day so I am not encouraging/cajoling her to sit on the potty. She knows the drill, and I know she has to be willing participate for this to work. The potty is there, and she is naked.

She did pee on my shoes today. So, that was fun.

I will be interested to see how she does tomorrow with Buddy in charge, rather than me. Another complicating factor is that Nora has what I thought was a yeast-based rash but despite two full days of nakedness and 3 days of prescription cream from the doctor, it is actually growing and spreading instead of getting better. So perhaps this is affecting Nora's feelings about the potty? We'll see what the doctor says tomorrow. The rash is on her thighs where she sits on the potty, so I wonder if it is uncomfortable for her to sit like that, especially if it is tender and itchy.

Potty Training Day 1

The twins are 2 years, 8 months old. Today was our first day of hard-core potty training, after a year of sitting them on the potties regularly with very little outcome from that. (They just couldn't be bothered).

We have hardwood floors, which makes it easier for me to accept the idea of accidents and giant puddles on the floor. We can just wipe it up. Last night we rolled up our rugs and stored them away. I also folded up thick blankets and put them on the sofas to provide a little protection to the cushions. Then today we had them naked all day long from the waist down. Half the time, they were completely naked, finding that to be a great treat.

I didn't really do a whole lot of reading or preparing for this. I had found some advice somewhere for 3-day potty training that suggests you have the kids totally naked from the waist down for 3 straight days, keeping them at home obviously. Then, depending on how they do, you can start to take them out for short trips. But they should stay naked at home for a long time -- I think the suggestion was 3 months, which doesn't seem realistic to me, but we could certainly have them in loose clothes on the bottom without any underwear. I think the idea is that being naked really tunes them in to when they're about to have an accident, or actually having one, whereas if they've got underwear on, it might feel too much like a diaper and they might forget.

So anyway, for their first day, they did great! We had the little potties on the main floor in the living room. Nora pooped in the potty in the morning, and she peed in the big toilet before her nap, and peed in the potty in the evening. Milo peed in the potty several times and didn't poop at all. Milo didn't have any accidents at all. Nora only had one, which occurred when they were outside in the back patio playing with a giant bucket of water. So, in the midst of all that water, Nora found herself peeing onto the concrete, which isn't all that surprising and is also pretty much the best case scenario for an accident.

Each time either kid got the feeling that it was time to pee or poop, he or she would run to the potty. So they clearly can anticipate it ahead of time. Both kids were very, very excited about their successes. We rewarded them by getting very excited and doing a happy dance, which they loved, and also with stickers. They certainly seemed to care more about the happy dance.

Early in the morning when we were starting off, both kids would say that they needed a diaper, which told me that they needed to go. But by the end of the day they weren't talking about needing a diaper, and they were just running to the potties to go. Hooray!

The other thing we did was get them to drink a ton so that they would have to pee a lot. I accomplished this by buying apple juice. Juice isn't something I buy for them at home, but they know about it from being at other people's houses or parties. And they love juice. Juice is like toddler crack. So I bought some apple juice and this was a very exciting treat for them. I gave them diluted juice throughout the day, which had them needing to pee periodically, so they got a lot of good potty practice.

So, all in all, I am happy with Day 1. I hope tomorrow goes as well. We will still put them in diapers for sleeping, especially since they're not in beds yet, but maybe this will be the beginning of the end when it comes to washing diapers.

Random excerpt: Tonight after dinner we had blueberries for dessert, and the kids weren't all that into them. Jake said, "You know, when I was a kid, fresh blueberries was very special and we almost never got to have them." Nora retorted, "When I'm grown up, I'm going to PICK the blueberries and I can be the boss!" She told him all right!

Ossm

Tonight at dinner, we were having a conversation about how Milo woke up four (4) times last night.

Jake: Why did you keep waking up last night, Milo?

Milo: (Silent, thinking for a minute) Hmm. That's a good question!

The entertainment value of kids just can't be overestimated.

Signs That You're Cracking Up

My fantasy thinking goes something like this: if I got hit by a bus, not in a really bad way, but maybe some minor injuries that require me to spend several nights in a hospital for observation, then I could sleep. That's all I need. Just a few nights of recuperation from minor bus injuries in the hospital.

But then I remember, you never get any sleep in a hospital anyway, because they're constantly waking you up throughout the night to take your blood pressure and draw blood and stuff. So the bus/hospital idea wouldn't really pan out.

I'm so bad at getting sleep, I can't even properly fantasize about it.

Not Ready, Part II

I hate how the arrival of August always seems to indicate "SCHOOL IS COMING, SUMMER'S BASICALLY OVER" when it's just barely August! I mean, around here, schools don't start until September (including my university), so basically August means the last full month of summer. It is still summer, darn it! Stop acting like it's already school season!

I haven't achieved all of my summer goals yet. I just finished my final round of data analysis for my Last Big Tenure Paper (tm), i.e. signature paper #2. I haven't even written it yet. I think my goal was going to be to submit it by Sept. 1, but more realistically it'll be around Sept. 15 or Oct. 1. Not a disaster.

It has been harder to be productive this summer than I'd anticipated because I spent so much of it sick, and struggling to get enough rest. I am less productive when I'm tired (duh). Both kids currently have colds again, but it seems to be mild for them. I am hoping I don't get it this time, because I feel like I can't afford to get sick yet again.

I have been running more often through the summer, and that has been really nice. Sometimes I even run in the mornings before work because work meetings have been few and far between. Then I can just drive to work and make up the time I lost running. Tonight I went running after the kids went to bed, because I badly needed to get out after a frustrating day in which Nora refused her nap, cried for ages, and then was incredibly cranky and difficult for the rest of the night. If it weren't for the darkness issue I'd run at night all the time. For the first time in ages I actually got to the point at which I felt good and like I could keep going forever.

When I got back home at 8:45, both kids were still awake and putting up a fuss. Sigh.

Exercise is necessary to keep me sane but it hasn't helped my body budge from my apparently new weight set point. I have been diligently working on that without much "slipping" for, oh, over a year now. So I think it is time to face the fact that this might just be the new equilibrium, like it or not, barring something extreme. And the only extreme yet healthy thing I can imagine would be some intense training regimen, and that just isn't fitting in with my life right now and the need to get tenure and be a present mom. (I do either walk or run at least 3 miles a day, every day, so it's not like I'm sedentary, but still...pretty lame). One thing that is important to help me accept this and not constantly beat myself up about it is to only buy and wear clothes that actually fit and flatter my body. My current body, not the body I wish I had. So that is what I am doing. I am not the same size that I was in graduate school. This is something to just accept, I guess...

Technology has been helping me gear up for fall. Two free and awesome programs have been making my life easier. One is dropbox, which is like a folder where you can virtually store stuff and synch it to every computer. It appears like a normal folder on your computer and when I save a document there on my work computer, it automatically shows up on my laptop at home and on my iPad as well. This is great for working on the same stuff from work and home without having to constantly email files to myself.

The other is Mendeley, which is a citation index but is also a way to store and organize your PDF journal articles. You can also import cites from the web and from lots of different databases (but not ERIC yet), and most exciting, this program resides on both my laptop and my desktop and again can be synched via the web. Not only that, but you can share citations and papers with others, which is very handy. Unlike Endnote, it's free (up to a point). I was never able to get into Endnote for some reason, but I am loving Mendeley. The way I used to keep track of my citations was embarrassingly old school, so it was time to step it up.

Now I just need to find a good qualitative data analysis program like nVivo that actually works on a Mac, because I just don't want to deal with PCs.

We are going to try potty training this weekend, serious hard core (rolling up the rugs). Oh my! I am not sure how this will work, or if it'll work, but it's worth a try. Added motivation is the fact that poor Nora has a terrible yeast diaper rash -- she desperately needs naked time. Naked time, here we come.

Not Ready

Put the kids to bed, then heard a commotion a few minutes later and walked in to find Nora climbing out of her crib.

Shopping for twin beds right now.

Which means sheets, and quilts, and pillows, and separating them into 2 rooms, and losing my office, and additional bedroom furniture...

Our Dumb Sweet Cat

We have this cat, Caspian, who is the sweetest cat you'll ever meet. He is huge (as in tall) and he acts more like a dog than a cat sometimes. He'll follow you around, he loves to cuddle, if there's a lap, he's on it. He has never once bitten or scratched anybody. This is really saying something given how Milo has tried to abuse him over the years, complete with body slamming him in his attempt to "hug". There have been times when Milo has actually hurt Caspian before I was able to get to him and tear him off, and all Caspian does when that happens is meow in pain. He never, ever defends himself. He is one seriously sweet cat.

Caspian likes all people and when Jake isn't around he'll cuddle up to me any time I sit down. But really, he's Jake's cat. This cat adores Jake.

Anyway, the one downside to Caspian is that he is a really dumb cat. For instance, when we put the baby gate up on the stairs, it took him about 6 months to realize that he could actually easily jump over the gate. This is after 6 months of watching our other, smaller cat do it every day.

The other annoying thing is that Caspian begs to eat, just like a dog, when it is meal time. I feed the cats twice a day and when it gets to be about that time, Caspian is all over me, weaving around my legs, meowing pitifully, excitedly jumping up and starting to run downstairs as soon as it looks like I'm about to get up. Which is fine, and then I'll go and feed him. But the annoying part is that Caspian then tends to forget that he has already been fed. So if I happen to still be home about an hour later, he will start the whole routine all over again, totally forgetting that he actually still has food in his bowl. And I'll say, exasperated, "Caspian, I already fed you!" but because he's a cat, he doesn't understand. And I have to literally walk downstairs with him, to his bowl, and then he'll suddenly remember, oh yeah, there's already food in my bowl, and I can totally eat some more right now! Score!

It's Back

Nora's reflux was back last night. Poor thing. She hasn't woken with this in ages, maybe it's been a year or so? But last night it was back and she was in a lot of pain, burping and coughing just like Jake does when he has reflux. After she burped she would cry and complain that her nose hurt. Jake said that when he has reflux, those burps bring up acid and phlegm and I can imagine that would sting and just feel terrible.

When I recently took the kids to the doctor for a check-up I asked her about keeping Nora on Prevacid for her reflux. Prevacid is the more serious medication for it, and long-term use of it has shown a loss of bone density. That's in adults. There haven't been enough kids on it to do a study on kids, but it wouldn't be surprising. Given that potential concern and the fact that Nora seemed better, her doctor suggested we experiment with cutting back her dosage to see how she would do. So I cut it back a little bit, not a lot, but then tonight happened. So I guess it is still an issue for her.

She couldn't really fall asleep until 4:30 a.m. At one point I was in the nursery with her, sitting on the chair next to her crib, and she was sleeping sitting up. Little hands wrapped around the bars to keep herself upright. It hurt her to lie down, but she was so tired. I propped her up with me on the sofa until she fell really good and asleep, and then she was able to get a few hours.

Food These Days

So my philosophy with food now is to follow that Child of Mine idea, in which the parent's responsibility is what, when, and where, and the child is in control of whether and how much. At first it was hard to totally back off of trying to encourage, cajole, reward, or otherwise force the kids to eat. But backing off entirely from that has totally changed mealtime. It is about 100 times better now. They no longer resist sitting down to meals, and instead enjoy it. I no longer try to get them to eat "one more bite" of whatever, or try to bribe them to eat particular foods with the promise of dessert.

Yes, there are some meals when Nora will eat next to nothing. But I just grit my teeth, do nothing, and know that she will probably eat more at the next meal, which she does. When she says "I don't like this" or "I don't want to eat", I just say, "That's okay, you don't have to eat. But you do have to sit with us at dinner." And then she inevitably eats. I think she was testing whether she really does have control over whether she eats. Recognizing that the control is in her hands, she goes ahead and eats.

Dessert is not an every night occurrence. I don't want them to think of it as the natural end to a meal. I do tend to pull it out, ironically, on those nights when Nora has eaten very little. Then I console myself with the calories she is getting from that bowl of ice cream. On nights when she eats a good meal, I tend not to bring out the dessert much.

So there is another trend now to sneak vegetables into kids' foods. Some people are against this because they think that vegetables should be a normal, not hidden, part of kids' lives and meals. I agree totally, but my opinion is, why can't I include vegetables with meals, offer it all the time, and sneak it in? So, I do both.

For instance, tonight our dinner was fajitas with roasted onions and green peppers, rice and black beans, corn tortillas, fresh tomatoes, cilantro, and chipotle peppers. I gave the kids the rice and beans, green peppers, onions, and tomatoes. I also gave them some meatballs (which Jake and I don't eat but is great for the incredible calories they pack), as well as some bread with peanut butter. My idea is to give them the adult food that we eat every night, but also give them one or two items on their plates that aren't new and that I know they like. So I didn't make any mention of whether or what they should eat on their plates, I just offered it all to them.

Milo ate the rice and beans, tortilla, green peppers, tomatoes, and meatballs. He also licked the peanut butter off his bread. He tasted the onions but didn't eat them.

Nora picked all of the black beans out of her rice and ate them one by one. She ate one bite of her bread with peanut butter. She ate one or two bites of her meatball. She then surprised me by eating the rice. She also surprised me by taking a bite of her green pepper, because she saw Milo eating it. She then spit it out, but I was happy that she tried it. She didn't touch the tomatoes or onions.

We always close the meal with fruit, their favorite thing ever. Tonight it was grapes and kiwi.

I am starting to sneak vegetables into their foods more and more, because vegetables are one thing that Nora pretty much doesn't eat at all. So this afternoon for snack I made them a smoothie, which I often do, with yogurt and milk and fruit and some honey, but today I also put in some frozen spinach. And lo and behold they loved it. Another thing I like to do is make them "red" or "green" mac 'n cheese. I make homemade mac 'n cheese for them, the very high calorie kind with butter, a white sauce from a roux, and mascarpone or cream cheese, cheddar, and mozzarella cheese. (It is delicious). Then I will also take some roasted red peppers or some fresh wilted spinach, and then puree those in the food processor and mix it into the sauce. Both kids like that kind of pasta, so I figure, it's a start.

Breads, muffins, etc. with vegetables have been less successful so far.

It's definitely hard to keep my mouth shut about what they're eating, but I don't think that they're actually eating any less as a result of doing it this way. They seem to be eating a little more, if anything.

One last thing. This woman is a genius and I identify with every single part of this post.

Office Envy

I have a serious case of office envy.

Our university has a number of rich donors, like every university, and one of these families is strongly connected to the school of education. They have given the school of education a lot of money over the years in the form of scholarships, endowed chairs, etc. They also gave the school money to re-build our major education building, the one that sits on the heart of campus, up on the hill, right on the quad, next to all of the other old, beautiful buildings.

So anyhoo, the university re-built this building and now most of the departments of the school of education are moving into it. Not ours, though. Our department is staying right here, in our crappy, 60s building on an ugly street, with 11-inch wide windows to protect its occupants from bombs and civil unrest. I dislike our building and I dislike my tiny, cramped office with no view. We did have the chance to move into the new education building, but our department declined because many have primo parking spots and they don't want to give those up. Plus, half of the offices in our building were re-vamped and made into larger, prettier offices. Not mine, though.

So, my friend from another department moved into the new education building last week and today I headed on over there for our weekly lunch together. And oh my God! Her office! It is huge and it has a view of the lake! And it overlooks the terrace with picnic tables and gathering spots, where we ate lunch! And her building has a cafe right inside the building, and a giant fireplace with giant comfy arm chairs for reading and conversation! Nyaaarrrgh, that's the sound of me eating my heart out!

When I dreamt about becoming a professor, I was highly influenced by the novel "The Small Room" by May Sarton. In this story the protagonist is a professor at a small liberal arts college somewhere in the northeast. People wander about the quad, wear knee-high socks, and picnic under the giant trees. It is this type of environment I imagined -- an old, dusty office in an ivy-covered building that looks out upon the quad. In the summer I would see people playing frisbee, and in the fall the open window would bring a crispness to the air and I would gaze upon the changing leaves falling from the trees. Students would come have tea in my office and discuss Big Ideas. There would be an arm chair. Wooden bookcases. A tile floor. A chalkboard.

Sounds idyllic, but such is not my office fate. Fortunately, I can wander over to the nice building and stroll about the quad and watch the students and see the leaves change any time I want.

Community

I walked home from work as I do every Friday, but this evening as I got to my block I saw that my neighbors were out on the porch with their brand new, 2-day old baby. Woo hoo! So I had to stop and hold that gorgeous baby, and a couple of other neighbors were there too, so we chatted and talked about babies and induction and being tired.

I do think it would be nice to have a couple more kids. Four kids would be a nice number. Four is so...friendly. It's a big old group of kids. A gaggle of kids. Four kids would make for lively Christmases. Four would be so nice!

My neighbors keep trying to convince me that it would be a good idea to have another baby but we're not going there. We can't do it, for a lot of reasons, so my two is enough. Plus, while the idea of four kids sounds pretty nice, the idea of even one more baby does not sound all that nice. Although, come to think of it, having just one baby seems like it would be kind of sweet, but...no. No more children for us.

As I sat talking with the neighbors I thought, I need to get home, Jake is going to wonder where I am. But then Milo came running out of my neighbor's house, and then followed Nora and Jake. Turns out they were there too, playing with their friend Millie, who is their age. Milo had Millie's shopping cart and he suggested that the new baby would like to perhaps take a ride in the cart. "And that's why 2-year olds don't babysit," mentioned our neighbor. "I'm sure in about a year he's going to love riding in that cart," remarked his mother. Milo grinned and hopped down the steps to the yard.

Since we can't have a big old gaggle of kids sometimes I wish Milo and Nora had cousins in the same town (they're all the way across the country), or something, something to make it more of a big family feeling.

But we do have a big extended family feeling in the neighborhood, and that is a really, really nice thing to have. They'll take each other's kids after school, the kids wander into one another's houses, they share toys and clothes. I know which kids belong to which parents but if you just wandered into our neighborhood it would be very hard to tell because at any given time any one parent is likely to have his or her kids plus any number of extras. This is community, and it's definitely something I felt shut out of before we had children, but now it has opened up.

Milo and Nora love playing with Millie, so she can drop by any time when her parents need a break and some extra time with their newborn. At this stage, one extra doesn't really make a difference. So yes, it'll just be our two, but at least we live on a block with many, many more to pop in any time of the day.

Gear Ring

Holy cow! Anybody who knows about my dissertation study would know why I think this ring is so cool:

The gears actually turn! I'll have to forward this to Jake, seeing as how my birthday is only, eh, 11 months away.