Travel guilt

I feel stressed out about all of the travel I'm doing in a short time and the time it takes me away from the kids. Jake and I are going to university 2 Sat - Tu, and leaving the kids with hopefully-capable grandparents, but neither of us feel totally comfortable with it. This morning, Milo said "I don't want Daddy to go on a trip!" and when it was time to drop the kids off at school, Nora clung to me and cried and her teacher had to pry her hands off of me.

Then in 2 weeks I'm going to another conference Sun - Thurs and leaving Jake on his own to wrangle the kids for 4 days. I should call up the twin whisperer and see if she can help out when I'm gone. It's a lot of time away in one month. Then I (so far) have no travel scheduled until spring, so it'll be easier.

I just said no to a speaking request in November. No more talks/travel for a while!

I feel guilty...I'm sure we'll all feel better this time next week when we're back from our trip. And I need to remember that Jake's parents managed to raise him and his brother to adulthood mostly intact, so hopefully our kids will survive for 4 days.

You Never Give Me Your Money

The other day my postdoc was giving a talk to my grad students in our seminar course. At the end, during the question and answer session, the grad students were asking her questions about the dissertation process and the postdoc referred to her dissertation as a winding road. I immediately said, "A long and winding road." Crickets. Absolutely nobody got that reference.

(My grad students are so young these days!)

Anyway, this makes me sad, that they don't have the cultural reference of obscure Beatles songs to guide them through life. Then tonight, several us of went down to the pedestrian mall in downtown Boulder where they were having an outdoor festival. You could buy a margarita or a slice of pizza at an open-air booth, you could watch street performers dancing, or you could listen to the band, which, when we arrived, was a Beatles tribute band! They were really good and moreover they were doing my favorite Beatles album, Abbey Road, in sequence. It was awesome.

Conference report

So I am in Boulder and it is really pretty here. Also, it is super dry, and the air is thin, and the sun feels hotter. But maybe that's just my imagination because I know how high we are? Despite how pretty it is here, I'm not sure I'd ever feel comfortable in such a dry climate.

Our hotel is not as nice as I'd thought it would be, but it has good pillows. Conference food actually includes some fresh fruit, which is a bonus. No vegetables in sight, however.

Also, on the way to the conference I ran into some other random conference goers. I could tell because they had the same little map in their hand that I was using in order to try to navigate the 1-mile walk from the hotel to the conference building. So we got to talking and it turns out that these two women know one of my former doctoral students, and are kind of colleagues with him. So then one of the women asks my last name and when I told her, she totally did a giant double take. It was crazy. Then she said, "Oh, I've read tons of your papers! Wow, I've run in to a [our discipline] celebrity right here on the path!"

That was so weird. I guess in academia you're not going to get recognized by sight, you'll get recognized by your last name. Then we got to the actual conference and nobody else there really gave a shit who I was, so it reduced my ego back down to its proper size.

I Think My Kids Might Actually Be Evil

They have no remorse about destroying things. They'll gleefully destroy stuff even when they know that's what they're doing. They're totally crazy, and they don't even care about consequences. I should have named them "Dennis" and "Menace".

I mean, seriously! Argh!

Parties

So the kids are sitting in a circle with a bunch of other kids and everybody is supposed to say his or her name, and then say happy birthday to the birthday girl. Around the circle kids are saying, "Amelia", "Colm", "Jonah", "Isaac". Then it gets to Nora and she says "Kevin!" The facilitator, Miss Jenna, looks a little confused. "Kevin?"

Nora: I'm Kevin the crane!

Jake: Her name is Nora.

Miss Jenna: Oh, okay. Nora! And what's your name? (Turning to Milo)

Milo: I'm Cranky!

(Miss Jenna is starting to get that look in her eyes)

Milo: Cranky the crane!

Jake: His name is Milo.

Because of course our kids can't just be...normal.

Also, on the way home today:

Nora: Balloon, would you like some konichiwa pancakes?

Jake: What does konichiwa taste like?

Nora: Konichiwa tastes like...

Milo: ...buttered toast!

We had two birthday parties to attend this weekend. The first was yesterday at our friend's house, a 5-minute walk from our house. It was 9:30 - 11:30, perfect timing for not interfering with naps or lunch. It was nice outside, and the kids played out back, put on temporary tattoos, and ran around in the grass. There was a pinata that the birthday girl's mom made, not an actual pinata, but one in which a bunch of ribbons were hanging down from it and each kid got to pull a ribbon. One of the ribbons made the bottom fall out and the innards spill to the ground. Much better than trying to bash it open!

Inside, there were crackers, cheese, vegetables, fruit, and miniature birthday cupcakes. Milo ate one bite of the miniature cupcake, and then asked if he could have a carrot. He ate that, and some fruit and cheese. It was a perfect snack. Afterwards, the kids went back outside to play a little treasure hunt game, and the treasure that they each got was a magic wand, which was basically a wooden dowel that the mom had painted and tied different colored ribbons to. Simple, easy, and the kids loved them. It was a beautiful and perfect party. In lieu of presents, each kid brought a picture or a drawing and then they made a collage out of all of them for the birthday girl's room.

Today we had another one at the little gym. Kids played on the gymnastics equipment, did some games, and then ate cheese pizza, lemonade, and cake. They each got a water bottle and a balloon to take home. I feel kind of gross after eating the pizza and the cake.

I really like the former type of birthday party over the latter, and it's what I'd prefer to do. The former type is more work and you see it more with families where there's a parent who doesn't work full time. It also works better in the warmer months. The kids are old enough this year that I will probably have a little party for them on their next birthday, but I'm thinking our speed is more the homemade pinata and magic wand type of party. I like the way the stay at home moms organize their kids' lives better (simpler parties, homemade crafts, homemade slow-cooked meals), so I want to be like that, but sometimes it gets hard because I don't have as much time. I'm good with the food part, but not so great with the crafts or organized activities.

Not cool

During our party...kids have gone to bed upstairs. We couldn't hear much because the party was so loud. Until Jake hears Nora shrieking. He goes upstairs. Both kids are in the bathroom. The ottoman from the glider in Nora's room is in the bathroom. Blood is all over Nora and all over the bathroom. Nora is holding a razor.

They had dragged the ottoman into the bathroom, climbed up high, gotten to my razor, and Nora had cut her lip. Fortunately, it wasn't a bad cut, just a big bleeder. But...WTF? Their capacity for mischief when they work together astounds me. I'm glad she wasn't more hurt, but cripes. I'm glad they didn't set the house on fire.

Go Signs

This weekend it was hot, like summer, and now a cold front has come in and the humidity is gone and it's chilly, like fall. I think I feel fairly ready for fall after our very hot summer.

Today our car is at the shop so there are no outings for my home day with Milo & Nora. So we've had a lazy day at home playing (them) and cleaning (me). I got their rooms all cleaned out, dusted, vacuumed, and ready for fall. There is much cleaning to be done because we're having a party for our students, post docs, faculty, and affiliated staff here on Friday evening. There is much cooking to be done as well.

Nora and Milo like to play with vehicles a lot. Today Milo was putting his favorite train (Rosie) into Nora's bus, and then she was zooming it around until it got to school, letting Rosie out. A bit odd that a train needs to take a bus to school, but there you go. Yes, the children have been infected by Thomas and friends and it's scary how much they love it.

Nora still pretty much displays no interest in girly toys. She likes to paint and draw, and she likes to read books, and she likes to play with vehicles. She likes to ride trikes and play outside. These are all things that Milo likes to do too. When I ask them who their best friend is, they say the other. They play together constantly. Sometimes they even play nicely together, which is great. They have about a hundred fights a day, but whenever one wakes up before the other one, they're uncomfortable until the other is up too. It's like they drive each other nuts, but they can't stand to be apart either.

The whole family has a cold this week.

The other day I was taking the kids to school and we stopped at a stop sign, like we always do. Nora remarked, "I wish there were go signs." Milo remarked, "I wish we had some orange flowers." Such simple wishes! I think I'll be able to fulfill Milo's this weekend.

Department Vote

Today's department vote was unanimously positive! This puts us on track for an Oct. 13 divisional committee vote. I am very happy that the vote was unanimous; I was somewhat worried that it might not be. Mentor presented my case and there was no discussion at all of anything that needed to be changed or fixed; this is the first time he's observed that. I'm pretty sure this speaks to his ability and care in crafting my case, and not to me per se.

To clarify how the tenure process works, it goes through several stages: a) department, b) divisional committee, c) dean, d) provost, e) board of regents. I just passed through stage (a).

The real decision gets made at stage (b). It is technically possible for the dean to go against the divisional committee's vote, but this is exceptionally rare and it requires the provost's approval. It is said that a dean's decision to grant tenure after a divisional committee denial is a once-in-a-career move. It is politically very risky. A dean overturning a positive divisional committee decision is unheard of. This is because our institution takes the notion of faculty governance very, very seriously. So we want the people who decide tenure to be our fellow faculty members, not administrators such as deans or provosts.

Once a person makes it through all of those stages, the board of regents officially grants tenure to everybody in our statewide system at the same time, in June of each year. At that time, tenure and promotion is then official. So for me, even if the decision really gets made on October 13, the change in status will not officially occur until the summer.

I feel a little weird about people at work making a big deal about today's vote because we all know that today wasn't the real hurdle. The divisional committee is the real hurdle. So I don't want to get too cocky or overconfident. After all, the memory of my colleague's unanimous tenure approval at the department level and the unanimous denial at the divisional level is still fresh in my mind.

At the same time, I should celebrate that this was a real milestone.

Tomorrow

Our dept. has a number of typical academics and a number of famous academics. The latter types are the ones who do a ton of traveling, collect insane honoraria for giving talks, enjoy the royalties from their fifth and sixth editions of various books, and gather honorary degrees like they're candy. There is one guy who wears all of his special honorary degree stuff at graduation time, which is not uncommon, so he's got a fancy hat and various medals and he even has a sword. A sword. I can't remember which university bestowed the sword upon him for the honorary degree, but it wasn't in the U.S.

Anyway, Professor Sword has always been a really nice guy to me. Way back in the day, many years ago, he gave me advice to help me negotiate my first raise. This semester he's on sabbatical. But tonight he just sent me an email: "Amy, I know that you are anxious (you told me) but for me, from Sweden, I think it is a shoe-in and I said so in my absent ballot."

What a nice guy, to send me that email from Sweden. (And to go to the trouble of voting absentee for my case.)

It also means a lot to me because Professor Sword is a postmodernist and my work is decidedly not in that camp, and once upon a time I used to worry about that and whether it would harm me. It is nice to know that in this case, it is not a problem. As for the rest of the faculty...?

This is just the department vote, so there is a bigger hurdle still to come in a month, but it is the vote that is the most personal since all (tenured) members of my department will either be voting for me or against me. It feels very personal.

Mentor: "You will see my smiling face come to the project meeting with the good news!" He is so confident. Sometimes I wonder if the confidence is partly a show for me.

Snack Conversation

Clearly we've been listening to a bit too much of the local public radio station (slogan: "talk about issues that matter to you") as evidenced by Nora's conversation opener today:

Nora: Mommy, what are the issues that matter to you?

Me: ...Wha? Uh, I guess the biggest issue that matters to me is that you and Milo grow up happy and healthy.

Nora: I have an issue that matters to me.

Me: Oh, what is the issue that matters to you?

Nora: When we get hurt.

Me: Yeah, I can see how that would matter.

4:35 a.m.

Sammy (our cat) scratched on people's doors to get in and cuddle with somebody. Milo woke up. Milo cried. I went in and comforted Milo. Now I am here and not sleeping. I wonder if that has anything to do with the department vote on Monday...

Also, some friends of ours told us today that they are getting divorced. I have this weird feeling that everybody around us is getting divorced. Over the last couple of years four couples we know, all through my work, have gotten divorced -- they're all about a decade older than us, with older kids. This is freaky to me and Jake. Especially this couple...they seemed so right for each other. They always have. I always marveled at how close they seemed, even though they'd been married for a long time. Is this what happens when people have been together for 15 years and have middle-school aged kids? Because it sure does seem to be happening a lot, and I really don't want that to happen to us in a decade.

It's peaceful around here at close to 5 a.m. We've still got cicadas whirring all night. I can hear them right now.

Odds & Ends

1st week of the semester. Kicking my ass. I am too tired to say much. My classes seem to be great, lovely students. But so many meetings! Why do people want to meet all the time? It takes up so much time. I kind of feel like it's going to be ages and ages before I get any research done.

Dirty little secret: I kind of didn't get any research done this summer.

I know. Well, we did collect data for 5 weeks. So there's that. But the summer got gobbled up with my tenure case and revising books and stuff and then I just ran out of time to write something new. Also, I worked fewer hours this summer, which I needed. So I'm trying not to freak out about being sort of research unproductive this summer. I'd like to get something done this fall, though. In between all of the freaking meetings.

Also, I got put on IRB. Which is ironic considering how much I hate our IRB. They're going to assimilate me, I just know it.

Department tenure vote is on Monday. Also, I joined a crossfit class twice a week. And now I am so sore I can barely move. Seriously. So. Sore. I thought I was in decent enough shape with the running and whatnot. I WAS WRONG. But anyway, this is my plan for this year. The plan is "balance". As in, don't sacrifice everything for work. Time to start paying attention to health more, time to allow myself to skip a morning of work to go on a field trip with the kids' school, and so forth. Time to relax just a little bit and breathe a little more deeply.

Milo is of the opinion these days that he doesn't like me or love me. Only Daddy. He doesn't hug me, he hates it when I try to hug or kiss him, and he doesn't even want to do much cuddling to be comforted when he's hurt now. He's all big boy, shunning any motherly affection. I saw this coming like a year ago, when I kept seeing him on the cusp between baby and boy. I would relish my ability to cuddle him then, seeing the future Milo in all of his bravado and boyness, too big to want to sit on Mommy's lap. A year ago he was more roly poly, pot belly toddler, now he's all long arms and legs, big boy. Anyway, it's natural (although he's kind of being an asshole with the whole "I don't love you" crap), and I'm trying not to let it bother me too much. The hard thing with twins is that they're the same age so there's no wiggle room for treating your kids differently due to being at different developmental stages. So Nora, still Mommy's girl, likes me to hold her and cuddle her, and will give me hugs. But then I feel weird about having too much of this with Nora when I can't have any of it with Milo, thus further cementing differences in how I behave with each of them. So I find myself ruffling Milo's hair, holding his hand, patting his back, getting close in whatever way he'll allow me.

Another school year

Finally, something the neighborhood vermin didn't eat all up: we've got some beans! They were awesome.

Today was the kids' first day of school in their new room for the fall term. Of course it is impossible to get a non-goofy picture of both kids now!

On the way to school we saw a flock of birds and Milo commented on all of the birds in the sky. I told him that when a bunch of birds are flying together, it's called a flock. Then he said, "Like a tornado is a flock of wind!" I thought that was pretty awesome.

My entire tenure packet, dossier plus all other materials, is now totally uploaded and submitted. The whole thing is 1,800 pages. Crazy! Seriously, who is going to actually read all of that?

Our Trip, Final

The town we visited is called Bayfield and it's on the shores of Lake Superior. On the first day, our initial plans for the afternoon were foiled (more on that in a moment) so we spent our time exploring the "downtown" (about a 2-block long stretch of Main Street) and the shops and restaurants. We ate a great lunch right on the lake, and had a nice time in a small wine shop. The owner was very friendly and helpful and she helped us pick out some really outstanding wines.

Then we bought tickets to go on a 2-hour boat tour of some of the local islands and caves. It was such a beautiful day, warm and summery, and the water was beautiful!

Here is the boat we were supposed to take. Sadly, not enough people signed up for the tour so they cancelled it. The week before Labor Day is a very slow week, apparently. The locals told us that it actually picks up again after Labor Day as people visit for the fall apples and changing leaves.

So we walked around some more and enjoyed looking at some old boats on land.

After we checked in to the inn, we took a little walk and discovered an interesting old bridge 2 blocks from where we were staying. The bridge can be seen in this picture below. After we crossed it, we walked down into a park-like area and then within 5 minutes we were deep in the woods on a hiking trail near a stream. After about a tenth of a mile you would never guess that a town was anywhere nearby.

After our spontaneous hike, we returned to the neighborhood and enjoyed walking around a looking at the old houses and buildings. This building below is actually the town library, donated by Carnegie.

The next day, we took a ferry to the closest island to the mainland, called Madeline Island. We rented some bikes and biked the 7.5 miles to the opposite end of the island, where there is a beautiful beach. It was actually a colder, rainy day but it wasn't too cold and it was nice weather for a 15-mile bike ride.

Lake Superior is, of course, fearsome and awesome. I kept thinking about the Edmund Fitzgerald. Also, we realized that Madeline Island actually has a small year-round population of a couple hundred people. The beach town is so small that it doesn't have a real grocery store (neither does Bayfield), much less any of the normal comforts, so it would be challenging to live there year round. I started wondering how the residents can get off the island in the fall and spring months. In the summer, there is a ferry and in the winter, once the ice gets thick enough, residents can actually drive across the bay on an ice road to get to the mainland. But when the ice just starts to form and the ferry can't make the trip any longer, how can the residents get to the mainland? Are there any kids on the island? What do they do about school?

So I went to their website and noticed a reference to a "windsled", which can be used to get across the bay in late fall and early spring. Then I googled windsled and this NYT article about Bayfield and Madeline Island was the first hit!

Madeline Island is a beautiful place, and there's something intriguing about living there (at least for the summer). But it is so remote it makes me wonder what that life would be like, especially to live there year round. Even though it seems kind of appealing to me, I think I'll stick with our current town, which, during some days in the winter, starts to seem remote enough as it is!

Our Trip, Part 2

During our time up north at Jake's parents, we took a brief overnight trip, just the two of us, to a small town on the northern tip of the state, on the coast of Lake Superior. It's only about a 2-hour drive from Jake's parents' house, so it was a perfect quick destination. This is the first time we've ever left the kids alone with his parents. Milo wasn't too thrilled about the idea of us leaving, and as we prepared to go out the door Nora also started to get a little clingy, and just as Jake's dad was coming in off the deck I said, "Hey, you want Grandpa to show you something cool outside?" They immediately cheered up and said, "Yeah!" Jake's dad caught on pretty quickly and said, "Hey, let's go look at the eagle!" Because yes, of course they have eagles flying around all the time like it's no big deal. So the kids happily raced outside with him, and we left.

On the way up we stopped at the side of the road and hiked for like a quarter of a mile to this waterfall.

The town we visited has a year-round population of 611 people. I think they have a larger population in the summer, as it's something of a summer destination. I'm not sure why this town is a destination town, but it might have to do with the fact that there is a well-known tent show just outside of town. The tent show has local and national bands and acts, and pretty big ones have been there, like A Prairie Home Companion, The BoDeans, Dar Williams, etc. The tent show is broadcast on our public radio station.

We stayed at this amazing inn. It has two buildings and ours was built in 1907. Here is our inn:

Here's the view of Lake Superior from the inn:

The grounds were extensive, too.

I loved the porch on this inn. It is gorgeous as are the views. When we checked in, the innkeeper remarked that we could sit out on the porch before dinner and he'd bring us a martini or a margarita -- just right for a warm summer evening!

This is the entryway:

Here is the music room. In the tile on the fireplace is the word "harmony".

The living room. This would be a great place to host a reunion. Everybody could stay in their own separate rooms (all have their own bathrooms), but then you could all hang out as a group in the living room, eat your dinner in the enormous dining room, or enjoy an evening of music in the music room.

Our room was on the top floor and we had a lovely view of the lake. It was quiet and relaxing, which we enjoyed a lot after a day of hiking and exploring the town. Our meal at the inn was one of the best I've had in the past year.

That evening we called to talk to the kids, and they were having a great time. The only mishap was when they were making s'mores by the campfire after dinner, and Milo fell out of his chair and banged his head on a rock. He cried a bit for Daddy, but seemed to be over it by the time we talked to him. Somehow it's always Milo who ends up in these accidents and mishaps; I think he takes after me in that way. Nora, like Jake, is more careful.

Our Trip, Part 1

Last week the kids' school was closed so we went up north to stay at the lake, which is where Jake grew up. Most people have summer homes or cabins there but Jake's family lived there year round. His father was an elementary school teacher and his mother was a nurse at the local hospital. Their town has about 500 people in it, but it is on a chain of lakes that is pretty popular for summer tourists. It is also popular with GDIBs, which is how the locals up there refer to people from Illinois (God Damn Illinois Bastards). Part of this is a class issue. People who come up from Illinois live far enough away and are wealthy enough to own a dedicated summer home, which represents a class difference that the townspeople aren't necessarily thrilled about.

Here's the lake Jake grew up on, as seen from his parents' dock.

The kids did some fishing. The ubiquitous dog looks on. She's everywhere, and every time they leave the house, they take her with them. She is a sweet dog but she isn't trained, which has its annoyances.

The only catch of the trip. Milo caught a small-mouth bass.

Most days we headed out on the boat in the afternoon to do some swimming and wading. It's really nice that this summer, the kids are old enough to be totally into the boat. They also finally fit into their lifejackets properly.

Time to wade!

The dog loves to chase her toys in the water. The lake has a flatworm and the larvae can be picked up while swimming, which results in a phenomenon called swimmer's itch. The poor dog has a terrible case of this, so she is always itchy. Both kids also got swimmer's itch on their legs (it looks like a series of welts or bug bites up and down the legs). It's harmless but uncomfortable.

Nora did a little accidental floating.

One afternoon Jake and I traveled to the local tourist town, which is where he used to work in the summers starting at age 14. His first job was in a candy store, churning a giant vat of fudge in the window. The town is mostly geared towards tourists so there are lots of cute little shops there. It's on a big lake, which can be accessed by the chain of lakes, so you can get there by boat. There are many nights when Jake and I have gone into this town on his brother's boat, and froze our butts off speeding back at 1 a.m. or so.

Even though this is a tourist town, there are still elements that remind you that people do live here year round.

We walked on an old wooden bridge and then climbed under it for a different view.

Jake took this last photograph of his old sailboat at dusk. Jake's brother is a ski boat kind of guy. His parents are pontoon boat people (think a living room on the water, complete with cocktails and appetizers). But Jake has always been more of a sailboat person. He's had this old little boat for years and years.

Clarification on an earlier post

Jake is not a Republican. (Also he doesn't wear man chains, and wasn't in a fraternity, and doesn't wear a backwards baseball cap. He did, however, major in business.) I could probably handle most of these things but I would never marry or even seriously date a Republican. I might sleep with one, but that's as far as it'd get.

Our Neighborhood

So the kids who live next to us are now old enough to do things like cat sit. They've offered their pet sitting services to the neighborhood, and we had them watch the cats when we were out of town. The brother and sister are a team, so they both do the job together. When we asked them what they charge, they suggested an absurdly low rate so I suggested something a little higher. They said okay, and the girl said "Wow, that's really generous." The rate was 2/3 of what I used to pay our adult cat sitter when we used to actually go out of town for meaningful amounts of time (like, before we had kids).

So anyway, the kids watched the cats and played with them and did a good job. Because they live right across the street, their Mom can also keep an eye on our house or help out if anything were to go wrong. When we came back into town last night, you know what we found? We found 1/3 of our cash still there on the counter, with a note from them that said that we had paid them too much and they couldn't take that much. So they had basically taken only 2/3 of what we had said we'd pay them.

The girl is getting old enough so that she'll be ready to babysit in a year or two. I'll have her sit for the kids any day.

Things like this are what would make it really hard to leave our neighborhood.

Anniversary

(I meant to post this last year, for our 5th anniversary, but never got around to finishing it. So here we are a year later...)

I met Jake in the summer, when it was humid and the days lasted until 10 p.m. and the whole world was green. I walked off the street into his real estate office because I just happened to see it as I was strolling by. On a whim, I stopped and walked in. It was raining.

Jake was sweet and funny and I had just moved to town 2 days ago.

A couple of weeks later I was again in Jake's office one day, working on some paperwork to buy my house, and he mentioned "If you'd like somebody to show you around Madison, I'd be happy to do that." I cheerfully chirped, as I was walking out the door, "Oh, that sounds great! See you!" and left thinking, it'll be nice to make a new friend so soon.

So Jake had to call me up on the telephone and ask me out on a real honest to goodness date before I figured out what was going on.

I was not particularly interested in a relationship. I had been busy extricating myself from all kinds of things in the world of relationships, and what I really wanted to do was just have a fling. Jake was perfect for that. For one thing, he was way too young for me. He was only 26 when I met him. For another thing, Jake violated one of the rules on my "datable" list. There were certain features that I considered deal breakers in terms of getting into a serious relationship, like being a Republican, or wearing a baseball cap backwards all the time, or having been in a fraternity, or wearing man chains. (Man necklaces?) Some of these things were aesthetic, like the man chain rule, and some were more ideological, like the Republican rule.

Anyway, one of my deal breakers was "majored in business". Jake majored in business (and German) in college, and I thought, great! There's no way I'll really get along with somebody who was a business major, I mean, sheesh. A business major. Come on. So no risk of getting too attached to him.

(That's the problem with stereotypes.)

But Jake was so gentle and funny. On our first date, he said "Do you ever like to just lie under a tree in the middle of summer, and read a book? And maybe watch the clouds go by, and listen to the birds?" And I said, "Uh...yeah, I guess so." Then he said, "That's really lame." And I cracked up, and thought, okay, this is a person I can definitely get along with.

After that date, by the way, he sent me a thank you note. As in, a real card, handwritten, sent to my snail-mail address in a stamped envelope. Thanking me for having gone out to dinner with him -- even though he had paid for it! To this day I'm still pretty impressed with how classy that move was, and how sort of...quaintly old fashioned it was.

It seems like everybody talks about a sense of humor as being important in a relationship, so it's such a cliche, but it's so true. I wonder if this is because having a good sense of humor means that you're on the same page about things. The fact that Jake's remarks always crack me up means that he's not only funny, but it kind of feels like we're woven from the same cloth. Like, I just get him. That's often how I feel about people who I find really funny. And that's part of what was so fun about being around Jake.

When I had been seeing Jake for a few weeks, I happened to get off the phone with my advisor just as Jake arrived at my house. We had this conversation:

Jake: I somehow get the feeling that your advisor doesn't like me.
Me: It's not that. It's just that she thinks you're...a distraction.

A look of real hurt crossed over his face, and he physically stepped away from me.

Jake: I hope I'm more than just a distraction to you.

And I was thinking, well, do you really care? I mean, you're 26. But then I figured out, oh. You do care, don't you. And then he said "Please don't discount me just because of my age."

We had been together for 6 weeks when Jake suggested that we should get married. Marriage was not what I was looking for. But by the time 6 weeks had passed, I already knew that Jake was for me. I knew that we would get married. I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him. I knew these things in a way that I had never known it before. I just knew.

And a year later, we got married. That was 6 years ago today.

These days, Jake and I sometimes reminisce about those early years and how luxurious they were, how much time we had, how much sleep we got before we had kids. We are so busy now that sometimes it feels like a miracle if we even get the chance to have one decent conversation a week. Dealing with preschoolers and tantrums and laundry and the gas bill is nothing like the heady, exciting summer days of a new relationship. Everybody goes through that. But what I marvel at again and again is that all I have to do is stop for a moment and I can easily see him just as I did back then. He is just as beautiful to me, so much so that it hits me like a punch in the gut. I inevitably grow more cheerful as I approach home because I look forward to seeing his face. Home is a happy, comfortable, warm place to be because he is there.

I totally don't believe in fate. But damn, sometimes I can't believe my luck that I walked into his office on a rainy June day.

Trip update

I keep checking to make sure my out-of-office email is working because it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. The same culprits send me email after email this week asking for stuff. Maybe they just ignore the out-of-office thing.

It would perhaps be wise to not have a way to check email when I'm gone but I'm not quite there. I think it's better to sift through them every day than to come home to hundreds of emails to dig through. Today, we got on a ferry, rode to a nearby island, rented some bikes, and then cycled to the other side of the island to check out the beach and the cliffs. Then we rode back, got back on the ferry, and came back to the mainland. All of that took about 3.5 hours and in that time I got 32 emails.

We're going home tomorrow and I'll be glad to be home. Jake and I just enjoyed a nice mini 30-hour kid-free vacation in the middle of a 4-day non-vacation with the in laws....

It is nice to see the kids growing up and becoming more kid-like every summer. Before I know it they'll be waterskiing and kayacking and making their own smores...