Happy Father's Day to Jake

Jake is out taking the kids for a run, so this will have to be short as I need to use this uber-valuable time to also shower, put a load of laundry in, and do dishes.

This New York Times piece on shared parenting is excellent and worth a read. There's so much to say, much of it already said by others, about the journey towards having an equal marriage. It's a goal almost nobody achieves, us included, as we're still not at 50% when it comes to career work, housework, and parenting work. Yesterday when I read this article I got all worked up and started tallying up for Jake all of the kid-related jobs I do that he doesn't, even though I'm also our wage earner now. We're both just so conditioned to let me do all of the little things like researching all things baby, buying their clothes and toys, figuring out how to feed them solids, making their doctor's appointments, figuring out which bottles are BPA-free, being the first to rush in and grab a baby who wakes from a nap, noticing that their laundry basket is full, and so on, and so on, and so on. Jake has been socially conditioned to not even see this work, and I have been socially conditioned to automatically take responsibility for it -- to be the CEO of the family. So, we're like couples everywhere when it comes to that, and that's despite our deliberate intention to live differently, to parent equally, to show Nora and Milo that domestic chores are women's work and men's work, to show them that achieving success in a career is an aspiration that belongs to both men and women. Our desire is not just to tell them these things, but to show them, by living it ourselves.

So of course we're not perfect, but what I was going to say was that Jake's response to my little spontaneous rant about all of this was incredibly admirable and part of what I respect about him. He listened without being defensive, and then said "I can see your point. Things would probably be different if I were the one working towards tenure and you were the one staying home this summer. I'm willing to make changes. I'm willing to do things differently." And then he did the laundry.

I knew Jake was a guy to marry when I realized that if we had a son, I would be proud if that son grew up to be just like his dad. Confident, kind, gentle, smart, thoughtful, and open.