Wealthy People Make Me Uncomfortable

I don't mean that in the sense that I resent people's wealth or have issues with their values or anything like that, I'm referring to the discomfort I feel specifically due to class differences.

Like many Americans, I probably like to think of myself as class-less, or "middle class", just like everybody else on the planet. Like, I kind of like to pretend that class differences don't really exist in how we interact with people, when of course they do. And of course it's easy to think about how I have manners unlike that uncouth person screaming at the poor grocery store check-out lady, or whatnot, but what I run up against less often is encountering a person from the upper class, and how that makes me feel when I notice our class differences.

I'll tell you how it makes me feel: uncomfortable. Because my own unmannered, uncouth ways are never so apparent as when I am interacting with a person from the upper class. There are so many nuanced and unspoken rules of behavior to which I am not privy. I do not dress quite the right way, I do not speak as eloquently as they do, I do not know how to navigate their worlds or how to use their silverware. I was brought up with manners, of course, and my Mother taught me to put the fork on the left and the spoon and the knife on the right, but I still struggle to remember which knife goes with which course and how to properly use a fish fork. There is just an indescribable air of breeding and sophistication that certain (old money, blue blood, discreet) wealthy people possess. Next to that, I am a complete rube, a total country bumpkin. I might as well be wearing tattered overalls and have a hayseed sticking out of my mouth.

Note that this isn't about how much money you make. It is also apparently not about how much education you have, although maybe the type of education matters more (Choate and Harvard are better than my Ph.D. any day). I know a number of people who make an enormous amount of money but they aren't from the upper classes (and aren't particularly classy). This is more about birth.

Anyway, I am working closely this semester with a wonderful colleague who comes from a background like the one I've described. I feel like the differences between us couldn't be more apparent. My colleague oozes sophistication. My colleague is impeccably polite, considerate, kind, thoughtful, and well reasoned. I genuinely like this person and appreciate the talents my colleague brings to the table. But boy howdy, you wouldn't believe how uncouth I come off in comparison. I can never seem to find an articulate voice when we speak together. I feel like I'm always the overly enthusiastic, bumbling one and my colleague is the smooth, reasoned one. I always speak a little too loudly, with a little too much variation in my voice. I feel like somebody should be playing the banjo every time I enter the room. I can never get it quite right.

That's class. You can't escape it. It would never matter how much money I make or how much education I have. I will always be the one stumbling over her own feet.