Anatomy of a Sick Day

5:40 -- Wake up to Milo crying for Daddy. Daddy goes in for a while.

6:15 -- Wake up to Milo kicking the wall from his bed. Grumble and refuse to get out of bed.

7:00 -- Wide awake wondering why the kids aren't up yet. Get up and make breakfast (french toast).

Milo gets up at 7:15. Nora is up at 7:35. They must be sick to sleep in so late. Take both of their temperatures, they both have fevers. No school again. Le sigh. Give them medicine. Respond to several emails. Sit at breakfast with the kids and read 4 Curious George books while they sort of eat.

Clear table. Wash kids. Wash dishes. Clean the counters.

Set the kids up with a Caillou video while I take a shower and get dressed. Let them watch for quite a while as I sit next to them on the sofa and review a student's dissertation proposal. Whatever. They're sick and we've been home from school for what seems like forever.

Read 800 books to the kids. Put in a load of laundry.

Lunch. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, yogurt, orange, cashews. Nora eats 1 cashew, her orange, and 2 bites of sandwich. Milo eats 2 bites of sandwich and his yogurt. I eat my lunch.

Clear table. Wash kids. Wash dishes. Clean the counters.

I can tell the kids are feeling better now, especially Milo. Nora is still dragging. Milo's singing songs about pirates and dancing around. He remarks that it's a good day to go outside. He remarks that he'd like to go over to Millie's house. He remarks that it'd be a nice day to take a long walk over to the hidden park. I say maybe after your nap.

Wipe both kids' noses about 400 times. Help the kids go to the potty.

Time for nap. Put the kids in their rooms, even though I can hear Milo coughing and coughing so I can tell he's not sleeping. Respond to emails from my colleague. Skype in to the class I'm missing because I'm home with the kids. Fortunately this is a co-taught class so the other professor can physically be there.

Secretly fret and worry about whether I will get any responses back from recruiting efforts throughout the entire day. Teaching experiment is due to start on the 14th. We've got the computers, we've got the video camera, we've got the server space set up for the data, we've got the tentative activities, we've got the extra mics, we've got the hypothetical learning trajectory, all we need is the PARTICIPANTS. Breathe a huge sigh of relief when my grad student emails me that permission forms have come in today. They were postmarked 5 days ago so this is a lesson that business reply envelopes take way longer to get processed in the mail than normal envelopes.

Interrupt my skype session several times to comfort Milo who struggles to nap, despite being exhausted, because his cough keeps him up. Wipe his nose, give him a bowl to spit in if he needs it, etc., etc. Poor guy. Transfer laundry. Send a list of algebra resources to a colleague.

Hear Milo crying. Milo's up long before nap time is over with a high fever, 104. Darn. I gambled by not giving him medicine before his nap, and that was a mistake. Get him up, give him medicine and water, and hold him on the sofa. He falls asleep again in my arms, unheard of for him, wheezing and kind of whimpering in his sleep. But 20 minutes later Nora comes down and wakes him up. Nora's fever is even higher than Milo's. Give her medicine. Make both of them a fruit smoothie. Wash the food processor, clean the counters. Sit with the kids on the couch and read some books and just sort of watch them crumple pathetically.

Medicine kicks in and kids rally. They decide to practice their cutting with scissor. They cut paper into about 8,000 pieces into little "letters" for Mommy, Daddy, Sammy, and Caspian. Clean up paper. Daddy comes home. Hooray!

I escape to do an hour of work. Dinner: black bean and squash chili. Wash kids. Clear table. Wash dishes. Clean counters. Brush teeth, pajamas, books, bed. Kids have fevers again. More medicine. Listen to Milo cough so badly it sounds like he's gagging up stuff. For some reason Jake removed the bowl from his room. I think I had better call the doctor again tomorrow.

3 hours of working on my upcoming talk. Bed.

Need to do it all over again tomorrow.

Milo's Remark

Milo: The doctor said that I could have juice. Actually, the nurse said I could too.

Okay, well in that case, plenty of juice for you!

Daydreaming

Because I work in a pretty specialized field that doesn't have programs at every university (or even most), there are a lot of places I where could never find work. It's frustrating to be so limited but on the other hand I'm generally lucky because it's much, much easier to find an academic job in my field than in most. But anyway, we couldn't move just anywhere.

Tonight Jake and I wasted way too much time looking at pictures and real estate sites for Hartford, Connecticut. It sounds like our kind of place. Of course, this is just fantasy because I don't know of any rumor that UConn would actually have a job in my area next year. There's no way to predict which universities will have jobs, of course. So it's just daydreaming, but boy could we buy a really nice house there. It's more affordable than our current neighborhood. And they don't have a crazy-ass rogue Republican governor/senate/assembly.

But who knows...maybe we'll recall our governor and staying here won't be a total disaster. So many unknowns. Sometimes it's fun to daydream though.

Reading

Milo can read HI, CAT, DOG, MILO, NORA, and sometimes MOM and DAD. (He confuses MOM with MILO and DAD with DOG). Anyway, today he read his first sentence: HI CAT. So fun, because this was also the first 2-word sentence he said! (I think it was "Hi kitty").

I have no idea how to teach kids to read. No clue. I should probably ask my early childhood colleagues about that. My sense is that M&N have a sort of "whole object" understanding of words, like they recognize the entire word as 1 entity, the same way you would recognize a picture, rather than actually making any connections between letters and sounds. They can say each letter in a word, but I'm pretty sure they do not understand that "M" makes the "Mmm" sound in "Mom". I don't think they're anywhere close to that, so doing something like writing CAT and then erasing the C and replacing it with an H to make HAT probably wouldn't be at all meaningful at this point.

Today when the kids were forcing me to read 800 million books to them over and over and over again I suddenly realized, wow, in a few years they'll be able to read on their own. Which means they could, like, sit on the sofa and read a book to themselves, without me having to do it. Heaven! I wonder if this is the universal drive that causes parents to try to teach their kids to read. You just go ahead and read that book while I sit here and screw around on the internet. Sounds good to me.

Stop Sucking, March

I'm tired of 30 degrees. Can we get some 50-degree days here?

We had a pretty good stretch there, but both kids are home sick today. This might have something to do with why it's impossible to ever get ahead.

I wish I could go somewhere quiet for a week and just sleep every day and every night.

Edited to add: Today I gave the kids some soda for the first time. I thought both kids were going to be at school today, so I hadn't prepared to stay home with them, and we don't have many supplies in the house. When they're sick I let them have apple juice instead of milk because it's easier on the stomach, and it can sometimes entice them to drink and get hydrated because juice is such a special treat in their eyes. But we don't have any apple juice in the house because I didn't know they'd be sick. I went down to the basement and found a can of Hansen's natural raspberry soda left over from Jake's graduation party last May, so I split it into 2 cups and told them it was "fizzy juice". Both kids rejected it, saying it was "too spicy". Milo said he wanted milk instead. So much for soda to calm the stomach...hopefully he'll keep the milk down.

Another Story

My grad student just got back from a rural school district in which he collected his data and described how the teachers look there right now. 63 of them have received layoff notices, and nobody has slept in weeks.

It made me think about my friends, a teacher / administrative assistant couple. Their story is just another story of the personal effects of the political changes in our state. The husband is a high-school teacher, but he did other things for a number of years too and as a result this is only his second year as a full-time teacher. He has a master's degree. His wife also has a master's degree but hasn't been able to find any work in her area of specialization in this economy, so to make ends meet she took the best job she could find, as an administrative assistant at our university-affiliated hospital. They are expecting their first baby in May.

The husband's union voted to delay sending out layoff notices until May 15 (right around when their baby is due), so he doesn't know whether he'll have a job next year. Given the cuts his district is facing and his lack of seniority, it is pretty likely he'll be laid off. The wife's institution (my institution) doesn't have any maternity leave policy or parental leave policy. So the only thing she has available to her is the family medical leave act, which states that you can use your accumulated sick leave for a maximum of 12 weeks off. She hasn't accumulated that much sick leave, so she will only be able to take 8 weeks off.

She will then have to return to work, even though her salary is so low that it would barely cover childcare expenses. They were hoping to have her stay home for a few years, but now they can't afford to live without her salary due to the cuts in take-home pay they are facing as a result of the budget repair bill. Moreover, if her husband is laid off, she will have to return to work so that they can keep their health insurance, and insure their new baby on her plan. She is matter of fact about this and I keep sadly thinking to myself that theoretically returning to full-time work when your baby is 8 weeks old is very different from having to actually do it.

Of course, people do it all the time, and they do it sometimes when their babies are only 8 days old. Many people don't have options or choices. It's not a new story, of course, and I know my friends will survive. But it is just one of thousands of stories about how people's lives are being radically affected by what's happening here.

Conversations

Nora: Where are my frickin' socks?

(Later)

Me: Nora, you know we don't jump on the sofa.

Nora: I know you're a frickin' girl!

(Meanwhile during this conversation Milo was simultaneously yelling in the background over and over and over, NORA CAN YOU COME UPSTAIRS WITH ME? NORA CAN YOU COME UPSTAIRS WITH ME? NORA CAN YOU COME UPSTAIRS WITH ME?)

Chocolate Chips and Hamster Wheels

Woo hoo, just 1 day after handing out recruiting flyers and forms, we've already got 1 student signed up for our study.

I took the kids to the children's museum today. They LOVE it there! There are so many fun things to play with, and the best part is that it is fun for parents too. One of the biggest challenges is that there are tons of awesome things to climb on but you have to be at least 4 to do it, which is hard for Milo. Next year he'll be all over that. There is also a giant hamster wheel that you can get in, and other neat and funky things. It's a fun way to spend a morning.

We have a policy (that I'm trying to do away with) that the kids get 2 chocolate chips for peeing in the potty and 3 for, well, you know. This morning Nora did both and then said "Can I have 2 chocolate chips and 3 chocolate chips?" I asked her, "How many chocolate chips would that be?" and she said "5! Can I have 5 chocolate chips?"

I know, every parent thinks their kid is a genius. I don't think my kids are, but Nora is definitely into numbers which is fun. Milo is more into words and reading, but both kids definitely like both.

I hope there are some good jobs in my field next year

I have already been ranting on FB about this budget's destruction of public education and explicit move to privatize education. So I won't rant about that here.

Other nice features:

-- No capital gains taxes for those who invest in business. (Because THAT'LL fix the budget hole. Oh wait.)

-- Eliminates our college financial aid promise to middle school kids who get good grades. (Screw you, poor kids)

-- Provides money for highways (I guess we need those since he refused the federal stimulus money for high-speed rail and GAVE IT BACK)

-- Enacts changes that'll keep people in prison longer (Because THAT'LL save money...oh wait)

-- Reduces regulations to control pollution

-- Eliminates our recycling programs (WTF?!?)

-- Cuts at least 1200 jobs

Oh, but he does include raises for one group of state workers: prosecutors. Now, prosecutors do important work and I'm sure they deserve raises. I don't begrudge it. But honestly, could these pieces of the bill make it any clearer that this is NOT about fixing our budget and is instead simply about enacting super conservative policies?

There are 26 institutions in our state university system and the Governor's budget enacts a 250 million cut in funding to the universities, split 50/50 between our flagship campus (my institution) and the other 25. Our flagship gets 125 million in cuts, the other 25 shares the remaining 125 million in cuts.

Seem a little out of whack?

An attempt to destroy the flagship?

Education is dangerous. We must be doing something right for the conservatives to be so intent on destroying it. Education provides people with options and opportunities. Education is an incredible threat to the existing power structure that endlessly privileges the wealthy. I can understand why our Governor is intent on destroying public education at the K-12 level as well as our state flagship, one of only 4 public universities in the nation that are in the top 20 for quality and research output. Such an institution is incredibly dangerous to conservative values.

This budget makes a lot of sense.

I Am Never Going To Get Sick of This

I know, how many more videos of the protests can I post, right? But I love them.

The Governor announces the budget later this afternoon and I am nervous. As is everybody. The thing that people have been demonstrating about over the past weeks has been about the budget repair bill, not even the budget itself.

Every friend I have in town has been to the Capitol over the last 2 weeks. Every single friend. The solidarity we share is incredible. As more and more facts and details came out about this budget repair bill come out, more people have joined this fight. Not just union people. Not just state workers. Not just teachers. Fire fighters. Police. Small business owners. Veterans. Now the Republicans are speaking out too. They're mad too, they're rightly angry that they didn't vote for these things when they voted our Governor into office. (Jeopardizing Medicaid? Check. Selling our power plants with no oversight to the billionaire brothers who backed our Governor? Check. Massive cuts to the districts? Check. Tax cuts to corporations while reducing city services all around the state? Check. Dismantling the structure of the state university system? Check.)

I want to fight this because I love my town and our state, and I don't want to leave. I'm not here for the weather. If I want crappy or nonexistent state and local services I could move to the south and at least enjoy decent winters. Our town is consistently rated one of the best places to live and it's not because of the 4-foot tall snow drifts.

It's because when it snows 8 inches overnight and you wake up at 6 a.m., the plows have already plowed all of the major roads.

It's because when people send their kids to kindergarten, they know they won't have to worry about a class size of 35 with just one teacher and an aide.

It's because we've implemented 4-year old kindergarten programs across the state to help even the playing field for low-income children when they start elementary school.

It's because our our city replaced all of the old lead pipes from the water mains with safer alternatives, neighborhood by neighborhood, street by street.

It's because every time I've walked into the emergency room, I have been seen within 10 or 15 minutes. It's because of our state program called Badgercare that provides health care to low income families, which means fewer people forced to use the emergency room as a doctor's office.

It's because we converted all of our unused train tracks to bike paths, paved them, and lined them with trees.

It's because I, as a teacher educator, can encourage my students to go into teaching with a clear conscience. It's because I can tell them about the fact that it is a very tough job, but it is rewarding and worth it.

These are the things I love about my home. These are the things I want to fight to keep.

Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Blargh! How can I work 8 hours a day, come home and work for 3 more hours, and still not be caught up on my work? I have way too much to do every week for the 55 hours I have allotted to working. Also, whine whine, I am getting tired of working all the time, especially at night. I just want to watch a freaking movie or something.

I am soooooo gonna work fewer hours when my 800 allotted tasks get completed by the end of the semester. Seriously. I am going to work fewer hours this summer. I think it'll be less to get done this summer...maybe?

This morning in the car I was listening to a program about heart disease and the three big killers diet, no exercise, and stress. My diet is okay (not very animal-based), but no exercise, check, stress, check. I am doing NO exercise because honestly, all this work plus spending time with my kids doesn't even leave enough hours at night to sleep as much as I should. Much less exercise. I made a rather deliberate deal with the devil this academic year in which I said I would allow myself to work as much as I needed to (within the constraints of being a mom) and let everything else slide. You know, stuff like exercise. And decorating my kids' rooms, which I still haven't properly done. And home repair projects. I feel guilty about this because the stress is so bad that I can't sleep well and feel lousy and I know exercise would help with that, and I know all of this stuff is bad for my health. But my calculations involved the fact that I'm still in my thirties (barely), so hopefully this kind of horrible lifestyle won't kill me. I'm sure I wouldn't do this to myself at 50. Hopefully. And it'll all get a lot better by June, or at the worst by September. Soon after that my tenure materials will be in and then I can try to get back to having some sort of "balance" whatever that means.

Tomorrow my grad students are recruiting for my data collection phase that starts in 2 weeks! Hooray. 3 weeks of collecting data, which means going out to a middle school every day to teach and videotape. It is always exhausting to do this but I am looking forward to getting the data. Then this summer we will run 3 more teaching experiments, but in that case I wised up and will have my grad students do a large amount of the teaching. Here's hoping it all goes smoothly...

Photos

Nora has been taking some more photographs. I like seeing what she comes up with.

Saturday morning, reading cookbooks and making grocery lists:

I like this shot. This is a rather traditional cookbook.

Jake reading a book to Milo:

Another book:

Nora found a bandana and wanted me to put it on to get my picture taken. Yes I know I look terrible here, but it's the stress. And maybe the fact that once I had that thing on my head, I recalled its primary function as a hanky for the kids.

Jake. I don't know when she took this.

I made Nora put on the hanky/bandana. She looks cute. I don't know why she's make a strange squinty-eyed face though.

Milo. Washed out with the flash, but look at those eyes, and those eyelashes. What a gorgeous boy!

Today I went to my office and sat down for 9 hours and pounded out a draft of a chapter for a book I'm writing with a couple of people. Hell to the yes, I can draft a chapter in a day. Feels good. My shoulders are killing me.

Today

Record numbers of protestors at the Capitol today. Some say 100K. This despite today being the coldest day since the protests began.

I am impressed and humbled by the little details that reveal the culture of this state and the character of the people here. Things like the fact that all of the signs and letters hung in the Capitol are hung in blue painter's tape to avoid damaging the building. Or the fact that a group of kids from one of our local high schools came down to the Capitol to replace the masking tape with painter's tape on some of the signs. Or the cleaning brigades, the trash pick-up brigades, and recycling brigades -- all volunteers. Or the groups who have brought food and water for the protestors. Or the fact that today my colleague hosted a story hour for small children in the Capitol building, to provide a rest for the families out there. (And there are a LOT of families with very young children out there.) Or the fact that another volunteer is leading yoga every morning in the Capitol rotunda.

I've spent most of my life on the coast. It's different here. People are friendly, polite, considerate, but strong. You don't hear cussing on the streets. You don't see littering. Folks wave as they pass one another. And when somebody has a baby or somebody dies, people show up. With food.

Or when somebody's rights are being threatened, people show up. With food.

Spent tonight with good friends enjoying the antics of our kids jacked up on attention. One of our friends is a teacher and I've never seen him look so exhausted. He admitted that he pretty much hasn't slept in 2 weeks.

Neither have we.

The other night Jake said, "I hope our Governor is losing sleep over this, because we sure as hell are."

But sharing this experience with friends, with colleagues, and with total strangers who show up with casseroles and protest signs helps. It helps a damn lot.

Screw It

Oh, what a shocker. We're at the bottom of the list of countries in human rights due to our lack of paid leave and work-family supports. First we don't provide parents the supports to actually stay home with their babies (and not starve), then we don't provide supports for mothers who have to work but want to breastfeed, and then we simultaneously blame mothers for not breastfeeding more.

I work for a state institution that has no parental leave policy. Yup. No policy. I took accumulated sick leave to partially fund a course release the semester after I had my babies. That was the most I could do.

And then there's all that b.s. about Planned Parenthood. I'm so tired of our nation's misogyny and never-ending attacks on women.

And then we make it hard or impossible for low-income parents or single parents to get ahead due to the prohibitive cost of childcare. What are you supposed to do if you're a single mom and the cost of daycare is more than your take-home pay? Why, you're supposed to listen to everybody tell you to get a job and yell at you for being lazy if you can't afford to leave your kids. Or better yet, you should have thought about that before having kids. Because it's totally doable to completely control that aspect of your life, even if you have few resources, what with the generous government-funded education about reproduction and women's health through Planned Parenthood, and easy access to birth control and abortions. Oh wait. Never mind. Uh...but it's still your fault.

Well, at least everybody's okay once the kids are old enough to go to public school. What with our strong support of public education and our well-paid teachers who have the public's respect. At least the poor kids will be okay once they're in school. Except...not. Because the Republicans are trying to privatize education everywhere. (Like in my state.) By destroying public schools under the rhetoric of "increasing accountability" and "making the state workers do their part".

The problem with privatizing something like education, which should be a human right, is that once you do that, the people who can't afford it aren't going to get access to good quality services. Just another way to keep the poor people poor and out of options, and make sure the rich continue to have even more advantages.

I'm tired. I'm tired of our b.s. state but I'm not sure where it's going to be any better.

Check Up

We're a couple months late but the kids finally had their 3-year check-up. Nora is 34.5 inches tall and weighs 22 and a half pounds. Milo is 35.5 inches tall and weighs 25 and a half pounds. I don't remember what they weighed at their 2-year check up, but I don't think it was a whole lot less than that. And yet the doctor assured me that they're growing and it's fine. Nora has actually put on a little chub so she seems plenty fleshed out now. Thankfully Milo has put on a little flesh too -- there isn't a chubby part of him anywhere, but he no longer has that scary every-rib-showing thing going on. Also, for the first time in their lives, they made it onto the charts! Hooray! Nora is at 6% for height and 3% for weight, for the first time! Milo is at 6% for both. This actually represents a drop down the percentiles for height for both of them, but on the other hand, they've never been on the charts for weight before.

The kids saw a different doctor because their normal doctor has Wednesdays off. I liked this new doctor a lot. She is great at relating to the kids, and they warmed right up to her. She also said that based on how much energy both kids have and how smart they are, she's not worried about their growth at all. The fact that both kids were literally bouncing all over the room and doing somersaults probably didn't hurt. So we don't have to come back until they're 4. She said their spot on the developmental questionnaire tells her that they don't have any problems. When I was filling out that questionnaire they had to give me the next sheet for 4-6 year olds and the kids could do half of those things (like copy a circle, say what a cup and a chair is for, identify colors, explain what they do when they are cold, tired, or hungry, etc.) It was obvious where they both stopped on the development chart, and that was with providing definitions of things. I asked Nora "What's a ball?" and she said "Round". Okay, pretty good. But then she was done. I said, "What's a house?" She said, "I don't know!" She'd had it. Milo could say that a house was "A big building" but he wasn't too game for it either after that. So basically they can't really define things much at all, but that's okay since the doctor is satisfied that they are cognitively normal.

Which means, no GI doctor visits, no stressful/painful tests, no interventions. Hooray! I am so relieved. I think at this point I am willing to call their eating and growing normal, and the pickiness that Nora especially has is just under the realm of normal preschooler pickiness.

I do feel kind of bad for Milo. If he's ultimately going to settle at 6% for height, well...my sense is that would be challenging for a boy. Poor guy. But last time he was 15% for height, so maybe at this young age they bounce around. Obviously he's never going to be tall. But I'd like for him to at least be, like, a normal height. A non-freakishly-short height. Jake is not that tall, he's probably about 5'7", and it has never caused any problems for him that he's noticed.

Well, anyway...it's been a long road from that time when Nora was a 6-month old baby and we had to do gastric emptying tests and adhere to daily calorie goals and listen to her fear-mongering GI doctor tell me that if she didn't gain better, it might delay her cognitive development. So much fear and stress. I'm ready to be done with that.

Wealthy People Make Me Uncomfortable

I don't mean that in the sense that I resent people's wealth or have issues with their values or anything like that, I'm referring to the discomfort I feel specifically due to class differences.

Like many Americans, I probably like to think of myself as class-less, or "middle class", just like everybody else on the planet. Like, I kind of like to pretend that class differences don't really exist in how we interact with people, when of course they do. And of course it's easy to think about how I have manners unlike that uncouth person screaming at the poor grocery store check-out lady, or whatnot, but what I run up against less often is encountering a person from the upper class, and how that makes me feel when I notice our class differences.

I'll tell you how it makes me feel: uncomfortable. Because my own unmannered, uncouth ways are never so apparent as when I am interacting with a person from the upper class. There are so many nuanced and unspoken rules of behavior to which I am not privy. I do not dress quite the right way, I do not speak as eloquently as they do, I do not know how to navigate their worlds or how to use their silverware. I was brought up with manners, of course, and my Mother taught me to put the fork on the left and the spoon and the knife on the right, but I still struggle to remember which knife goes with which course and how to properly use a fish fork. There is just an indescribable air of breeding and sophistication that certain (old money, blue blood, discreet) wealthy people possess. Next to that, I am a complete rube, a total country bumpkin. I might as well be wearing tattered overalls and have a hayseed sticking out of my mouth.

Note that this isn't about how much money you make. It is also apparently not about how much education you have, although maybe the type of education matters more (Choate and Harvard are better than my Ph.D. any day). I know a number of people who make an enormous amount of money but they aren't from the upper classes (and aren't particularly classy). This is more about birth.

Anyway, I am working closely this semester with a wonderful colleague who comes from a background like the one I've described. I feel like the differences between us couldn't be more apparent. My colleague oozes sophistication. My colleague is impeccably polite, considerate, kind, thoughtful, and well reasoned. I genuinely like this person and appreciate the talents my colleague brings to the table. But boy howdy, you wouldn't believe how uncouth I come off in comparison. I can never seem to find an articulate voice when we speak together. I feel like I'm always the overly enthusiastic, bumbling one and my colleague is the smooth, reasoned one. I always speak a little too loudly, with a little too much variation in my voice. I feel like somebody should be playing the banjo every time I enter the room. I can never get it quite right.

That's class. You can't escape it. It would never matter how much money I make or how much education I have. I will always be the one stumbling over her own feet.

Saturday

I am starting to lose perspective and my cool on top of it. Jake and I have spent a lot of time going over our budget this past week to try to figure out how to prepare for the pay cuts coming our way. Our take-home pay under this bill is going to go down by about $980/month according to my current calculations. Losing that much in take-home every month is not trivial, and then today we got an estimate for a sump pump, because we need a sump pump. But do we really want to sink 3K into a house that we might not stay in? Hard to say. I feel unprepared to make good decisions right now.

Of course, I don't want to be too big of a whiner over our income loss because let's face it, we're in a better situation than most state workers. What if we were a two-teacher family in our district? I know the district's pay scale for teachers, and it's pretty abysmal. What about the nurses? The prison guards? What about those currently depending on medicaid or badger care? So I know that my personal concerns are definitely trivial in the broader scheme of things. However, that knowledge doesn't totally eliminate the stress when we look at our budget and try to figure out where to make the cuts. I guess the answer should be obvious, we'll have to cut down on our caviar, champagne, and heroin habits.

Meanwhile the kids have been saying delightfully literal and funny things. For instance, I left part of my dinner uneaten and remarked that my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Nora said, confused, "But your stomach is pretty big!" Later this evening one of the adults in the room farted, and let's be honest, it wasn't Jake, because he doesn't do that sort of thing. Jake, startled, said "What was THAT?" and Nora said, in all seriousness, "Thunder?"

Milo and Nora have been acting up, and it's my fault for being distracted. It's amazing how much of a difference simply paying attention to them can make. Duh. So I'm trying to put this behind me, or at least put it aside a bit when I am home, and focus on what is right in front of my eyes.

Incoherent Mishmas

Okay, so I know that the subjects I've been writing about this week have been really single-minded but that is a reflection of what is happening in our town and our state. Honestly nothing is business as usual right now. The campus is dead. Schools have been closed for the last 3 days. Everybody is at the capitol. I feel sorry for the job candidate the dept. had on campus today. I don't think her job talk was very well attended, and who would want to take a job right now in a situation in which it's clear there is a war on state employees?

Every day I have been combining political activities with work activities, and then working every night, then falling exhausted into bed and not sleeping enough. The work I've done has been busywork, catching up on reading students' proposals, grading, service stuff, because I am way too mentally spent to do any substantive writing at the moment.

Of course, I can't afford that, so I'm looking forward to a Sunday sequestered away in my office getting some decent writing done.

I'm not sure what to make of anything, specifically and broadly (like where our country is going and what things are going to be like for our kids). I'm worried. Like in a global way. And obviously I'm not being very articulate here. My voice is hoarse and so is my internal voice.

Today was a moving day. Professors walked in solidarity with the TA unions, and undergrads came too. I stood and watched the firefighters march by us, supporting this effort even though their union was specifically exempted from the bill (along with police), and it sent chills down my spine. I stood shoulder to shoulder with my graduate students. Later I walked back to our nearly-empty building to meet with my colleague and plan next week's class together. He looked haggard and depressed.

Jesse Jackson came to speak at 5. I actually saw him sitting in the window of a restaurant called the Old Fashioned. By 5 I had to be on my way back home to put the kids to bed. Imagine this, slightly whiny children tired of being at dinner. Milo asks, hopefully, "Can we do math after dinner?" Nora chimes in, "Yeah, math! I want to do math!" And they are begging me to do math.

(It's my plan. Math consists of fun games with blocks and Mommy being very enthusiastic, which they love. Therefore they're always begging me to do math.)

I don't feel like I should post pictures I took here, because a lot of individual people I know are in them. So instead here is a video that my neighbor made.

The People: a living letter to Scott Walker from pawl made this, inc on Vimeo.

Kid Pics

For those sick to death of political posts, I just don't have much else in me to talk about right now. So, instead, here are some pictures of the kids.

Nora and Milo found packaging paper and decided that they should spread them out like their mats at school for nap time:

Here they are just being strange. I'm not sure what was going on with piling up toys on the landing and then "going to bed" on top of everything:

Jake had to take the cats to the vet. Here our cat Caspian was already in the carrier, because he loves to get into boxes. Milo was pretty psyched about a cat within such easy reach.

Hey, how about I get in with Caspian! I bet I can fit!

Yes, I can definitely fit! Milo then told us to close the door, which Jake adamantly refused to do.

Dems Leave the State

Wow this gets weirder and weirder! Last night the bill passed the budget finance committee along party lines. It was set to go through the state assembly and the senate today, and the Republicans have the votes to pass it. Our governor said he thinks most people in the state are for this bill, despite the incredible outpouring of protests this week that have made national and now international news. 35 school districts around the state closed schools today.

So the first vote was set for 11 a.m. in the senate and the Democrats left to prevent a quorum! They need 20 for a quorum to vote, and there are 19 Republicans. They just needed one Democrat. All Democrats left! Then the state troopers went out looking for them! And new we just heard that all 14 Democrats and 2 Republicans are out of the state!

The reason they are out of the state is because the Senate has the power to issue a Call of the House, which they have done, which then sends out the state patrol to bring the missing senators back in.

Protests this morning have been even bigger than yesterday! You can't even get into the capitol building anymore.

School Closings Tomorrow

So far 13 school districts in the southern part of our state have already announced schools shut down for tomorrow. There are no teachers to teach the children. They are all traveling to our capitol to march on the square.

The TA union is walking out tomorrow. Our faculty are not unionized, but faculty are marching tomorrow morning with the teaching assistants.

The noise has been deafening. In a good way. I have never in my life personally witnessed anything like what is happening here this week. It is incredible. One thing that was especially moving to me was to see all of the children and teenagers with signs supporting their teachers, standing up for their education.

I don't know what is going to happen with all of this. There has been a series of very weird news stories today about rumors that the governor has plans to remove our flagship institution from the rest of the state university system and increase Republican control over our flagship campus. This came from the associated press, not some random website. What on earth is happening...? Elimination of sabbaticals? Elimination of tenure? Or attempts to dismantle the non-flagship campuses? Nothing is making any sense.

3 more districts just announced closing in the time I've been typing this.

I have been hearing in the last hour that a vote may happen tonight.

Here are some facts about this bill:

-- It will cap any wage increases available to public employees at no more than the rate of inflation.

-- It will required public employees to at least double their health care contributions and pay in 50% of their pension contributions, reducing take-home pay by over 8%.

-- It will disallow collective bargaining on issues including insurance benefits, vacation and sick leave, procedures for discipline, decisions on whether to subcontract work, etc.

-- It will allow employers to discipline and fire employees without cause.

-- It will cut state funding to school districts and municipalities, which may force layoffs. It also eliminates seniority protection and layoff clauses from collective bargaining agreements, so senior employees who earn higher wages can be targeted for layoffs.

-- It will only allow a collective bargaining agreement to last for one year, and it requires unions representing public employees to take a vote every year to maintain their status as unions.

-- If the Governor declares a state of emergency (like he might do if this legislation creates any unrest among public employees), any employee who participates in any work action can be fired.

If all of this comes to pass, it'll also remain to be seen what happens specific to the universities. That is to be revealed next week. But I have to say, despite the insanity of what is happening here thanks to our high-school graduate governor and his cronies, I feel better than I did last week. This week I have seen the outpouring of support from all across the state and beyond. People really do give a shit. That has been incredibly heartening.

40,000 people today. Amazing.

Schools are Closed

Wow. Today is the biggest day scheduled for protests and this morning the school district closed all schools, because as of last night over 40% of the teachers had called in sick to attend the protests. They are going to be docked pay for this.

There was a legislative hearing that began yesterday morning at 10 a.m. They told the public that every person who showed up would be allowed 2 minutes to speak about the bill. Last night when I went to bed, they were still holding that hearing and the public was still speaking. Protesters spent the night in the capitol building waiting for their 2 minutes. Eventually, the Republicans went home but the Democrats stayed to hear everybody. (Not that that really helps, because the Dems are already voting against the bill).

All of my colleagues are taking a furlough day today (yes, we still have 8 furloughs a year) to attend this protest. I have the kids with me today. I might take them on down to the capitol to see the action.

All of this community action is inspiring -- there were 13,000 people at our capitol yesterday -- but we still don't have the votes to prevent this bill from passing.

Yesterday the kids' preschool sent a transcript of what the kids were saying when they created self portraits in art. Here is what Milo said:

"I should paint this on top. I need a shoe. I can paint with my hands! I need another shoe and hands. Averie's three like me and Nora. Both kids had a birthday 'cause they're three. Averie has a birthday hat on. That's Nora. She's a smiley girl. I love her smile! Nora is a funny girl!"

Community Action

There has been an incredible outpouring of support in our capitol city today. Today I felt proud to be a part of our state. These photos came from our teaching assistants union, except the last one which my friend John took.






Protesters are just getting started. They're still going strong now, and into the night. Tomorrow has even more efforts organized.

Here is a video that our TAA took yesterday of the students' efforts to begin the protest. It was the first organized protest event to kick off the week, and it was student led. It made me proud of our students. They were peaceful and respectful and no incidents occurred. But they were large in numbers and got their message across.

Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Union Busting's Got to Go

The groundswell of actions, protests, and organizing that has occurred since Friday in response to our Governor's proposed budget has been impressive. Part of his proposed plan involves eliminating all collective bargaining rights for state, county, and district employees in an attempt to dismantel our state's 50-year history of union organization.

Protests on the capitol started yesterday with a student action, and today and tomorrow are the bigger protests. I will walk down there this evening after teaching to capture all of the action.

I do not believe that these efforts will be successful in doing away with the attack on our benefits, but I think they might have more success with maintaining collective bargaining. Our faculty aren't unionized, but I am thinking about the teachers, the nurses, the state prison guards. I hope we have some success. I will post some photos and videos tonight. Meanwhile here are some photos of the kids. And yes those are tights that Milo insisted on wearing.

Don't Scratch the Brother Who Steals Your Shoes

When I came home from work tonight, I was shocked by the state of Milo's face. He has deep, angry red scratches on his cheek. It looks terrible, like he was in a biking accident and got road rash on the side of his face.

But no. What happened is that Nora scratched the hell out of Milo's face.

(As an aside, if Milo had sustained injuries like that when, say, a babysitter was watching the kids, I would have been pretty peeved and wouldn't hire the babysitter back again. Not an option when the person watching the kids is your husband, though.)

Anyway, I was shocked that Nora had so viciously attacked Milo. I also had a migraine, so I wasn't able to talk very loudly. I said very quietly in a sad voice, "I'm very sad that you scratched Milo's face." And Nora immediately started crying as if her heart was breaking. She started crying very hard, and while sobbing she tried to tell me "But Milo was taking my shoes and he was taking off my shoe and Milo was taking off my shoe Mommy. Mommy don't be sad because if you are sad then I am sad," (sobbing even harder now), "Mommy you can't be sad because then I am sad. If you're sad Mommy I am sad, and Milo was taking my shoe and he was taking it away from me, you can't be sad Mommy it makes me so sad!" And she's crying and crying even harder and harder, just sobbing like she was heartbroken.

So I'm holding her and and hugging her as she's crying and crying. I asked her if she had apologized to Milo when it happened, and she said she didn't and she didn't want to say she was sorry. As we're talking about that, Milo hears us and then he spontaneously says "I'm sorry about what happened Nora," and then he gave her a hug and a kiss. OMG, so sweet. And Nora says, "But you didn't scratch me!" and then angrily says "I don't want a hug and a kiss! I wiped it off!" Eventually she did apologize to him.

Later this evening we were taking a bath and Milo started crying because the water got into his scratches and hurt him. I asked Nora if she felt sad because Milo was hurting, and she said "No, I'm not sad! I'm happy!" Kind of creepy. Nora totally doesn't have any empathy at all for Milo. I think she actually doesn't give a shit about what anybody thinks except for me.

I don't know what the point of this is. The kids are in a weird place halfway between toddlerhood where they don't understand anything, and halfway between childhood where they're basically real people who understand how to treat others. So they waver back and forth and demonstrate some impressively mature behaviors mere seconds before demonstrating shockingly antisocial or vicious behaviors. It's unsettling.

Thursday Night

A single tear. I think she was upset about the wind.

All better now. Let's take a walk.

On Thursday night it was 2 degrees and it was dark and windy. I drove down a one-way snowy street, cars parked on both sides, looking for an open spot. I parked in a lot downtown and paid at the meter. Then I walked the 3 blocks to the restaurant, hurrying through the frigid air. There is something wonderful about that moment when you open the door to a welcoming place and make the transition from the cold, dark, quiet street to the warm, light, bustling interior.

...

Hot and sour soup with seafood. Eggplant in garlic sauce. Spring beans and shiitake mushrooms. Red snapper. Sauteed pork kidneys. Tofu with black mushrooms. Noodles. Sapporo, Kirin, Tsing Tao, tea.

...

It is like a sauna. Scarves come off, then sweaters, then sleeves are rolled up. There is a big lazy susan in the middle of our table and science soc guy ladles soup for everybody and then we slowly spin it around, and around.

...

Everybody's face is rosy. Outside it is black. Beer flows. The grad students at the nearby table leave. We talk about the house a colleague is thinking about buying. It would need a lot of work, but it's on the lake. The views are incredible.

...

"We're closing," they tell us, irritated. We flow out into the dark, cold street. It takes a long time for the car to warm up. I give my friend a ride home. We talk about how, in the face of all the crappy stuff happening right now, we're glad that we all have each other.

And Now for Something Better

I've been nominated for an advising award. That is a nice way to end a Friday. Also, when I came to work it was 0 degrees, but now it is 24 degrees, so things are nicer. And now it's time to go home and spend a few hours with the kiddos.

Morning Radio

Governor is revealing his budget plan soon. It involves dismantling all state worker unions, requiring state workers to pay more for their healthcare costs, reducing state worker pensions, and making it easier for state workers to get fired (for instance if they miss 3 days of work in a row). There is one state agency that is basically the commerce division, and the Governor has privatized it. He fired all of the employees in that agency (100% of them), and there is an independent for-profit corporation being formed, and all of the former state employees have to apply for their jobs with this corporation. They may or may not be hired back. Jake is wondering whether this is going to happen to his area.

I'm not sure why this whole thing stresses me out and depresses me so much, but it does. I feel like I signed up for a particular bargain and now they're changing the rules on me. Other universities have better salary structures. I took this particular job not for the salary, let's face it, but for the prestige of the dept. and the area and all the cool stuff going on here. But knowing that my benefits were very solid and my pension was generous helped, it helped me make that lower-salary bargain. To have that taken away mid-career makes me angry, but it also scares me because it isn't easy to swing expenses with 2 kids in a preschool that's more expensive than our university tuition. (One weird thing is how much childcare costs in this town. You'd think it'd be cheaper given that we aren't a big, sophisticated city.)

There is another reason I feel angry about this and that has to do with the fact that I've been working my ass off all these years. It's not a secret that I've been working so. damn. hard. I feel like I've been giving my fucking heart and soul to this job, I've been giving every ounce of my talent to it. It stings to think about all of those late nights I work, all of those evenings spent grading or writing papers or reading students' dissertations instead of watching a movie with Jake, all of those extra hours I put in every week, month, year, all of those vacations I haven't taken, and then to have my Governor basically throw that back in my face and spit on all of my hard work. And I'm not special or different, every single colleague I have does the same thing. The rhetoric about how we have to pay, we have to be held accountable, when we give so much of ourselves to this, it's deeply insulting.

I should really stop listening to our local public radio station in the morning. Maybe I would just feel better if I stopped paying attention and ignored the changes? It's all relative anyway, right?

So Much Work

Milo sat in front of the heating vent recently and then remarked that he was cute and I should take a picture of him. So I obliged.

I cut his hair last night (after this photo was taken). It doesn't look terrible so I consider it a success given that I have no idea how to cut hair. Milo's hair is so coarse and curly that it probably doesn't matter much. I wouldn't have even attempted it if he had straight or fine hair.

We've created a game plan and a backwards calendar for getting my tenure stuff ready to go. It's overwhelming how much work it's going to be to get it all ready. Copies of every publication, every grant, every syllabus, evaluations, student letters, descriptions of my teaching, research, and service, teaching statement, future research statement, lists of all of my advisees over the years and all of the committees I've sat on, descriptions of my methodologies, letters from people speaking about my service activities, letters from former advisees, letters from colleagues, statistical compilations of my teaching evaluations compared to the department average and the assistant professor average, etc., etc. None of that even includes "the case", i.e. the big narrative statement (30-40 pp.) about how awesome I am and why they should tenure me.

We are going to have a new dept. chair next year. Who we vote in will matter a lot for anybody's tenure case. The chair's experience, aggressiveness, ability to negotiate bureaucracy and general competence aids the tenure process for people going up. So I hope we elect a good chair.

Going to Africa

It's great that the kids have reached the age at which they play together, pretending all sorts of adventures on their own. I'm currently sitting in the living room listening to them upstairs talking about Africa. They've been running all over the house pretending that they were going to Africa. They each have a box that they've been lugging around, and they're currently sitting on their boxes talking about how they are sitting on the bus to Africa. They also pretended tonight that they were hunting the cats (I think to them, hunting means "chasing and finding"). Here is their conversation:

Nora: We still have 5 minutes to get there. I've got my seat belt on!

Milo: Uh, we have 10 minutes to go.

Nora: We have 10 minutes to go. Okay?

Nora: We're there!

Milo: Are we at Africa?

Nora: Yeah we are! There's lots of fun things!

Earlier as I was doing the dishes the kids were running pell mell all over the house and Nora tripped and fell, crying hard. Milo went over to her and hugged her to make her feel better. So sweet. Granted, Nora said "I don't want Milo to hug me!", but his intentions were sweet.

More transcription of what I'm hearing right now:

Nora: We need to go back home! Our dinner's burning!

Milo: Oh no! Our dinner's burning, we better go quick!

Nora: Here we are riding on the bus now!

Milo: Our dinner burned!

Nora: We'd better go see! It already did!

Milo: Oh no! Our dinner burned!

Milo: OUR DINNER BURNED AT THE RESTAURANT!

Nora: Let's bounce up and down on this.

Now they are bouncing on something and cracking up.

Another thing I am enjoying right now is that after about a year and a half of drilling "please" and "thank you" into them with spotty results, it is FINALLY sinking in so that they'll say it now without being prompted. Before, it'd go like this. Kid: I want some milk! Me: That's interesting. Kid: Please? And thank you was even harder. But now they're starting to say please and thank you on their own without having to be reminded. And when we sat down to dinner tonight, Milo said "Thank you for making dinner Mommy!"

Nora: After Africa we're going to go to fly a kite!

Milo: Oh, okay!

I am Dumb

This morning Milo and Nora were having a little conversation amongst themselves.

Milo: Today when Daddy picks me up from school I'm going to be a good listener. Daddy won't have to hold my hand.

Nora: But he'll have to hold your hand in the street, though, and in the parking lot.

Milo: Yeah. Because if a car were to hit me I might dive!

Nora: Yeah!

Milo: And then I'd have to go to the hospital!

Tonight at dinner Milo remarked that if Sammy (our cat) rubs her belly on the wall, then our house will be dirty. I assured him that I'd clean it if she did that. Then Sam, our fat nutjob cat, took a giant running leap onto our loveseat, skidded off the top of it, and careened into the plastic covering our window, breaking the seal. (Classy, I know).

I have started to realize that I have a lot of different talks to give this spring and unfortunately I can't really recycle the content across them. I have to give these talks in March and April:

-- The "keep your job" talk to my department. (This one is to share with the full professors what I do, so they're kind of up on my work as they get ready to vote on my case, and the talk is supposed to communicate my research trajectory as a whole. So it's different from your typical 1-study research talk.)

-- Talk to the math department here. (A research talk wouldn't be appropriate for this audience, because the mathematicians wouldn't understand or appreciate the research we do in my field. So instead it's going to be kind of a practical / practitioner talk, translating my research results into lessons they'll hopefully find interesting.)

-- AERA talk. (But it's for an unusual cross-disciplinary symposium about a broad issue, and my talk will be specific to how this broad issue instantiates in my field. So it's not about the research I'm currently doing.)

-- Colloquium at a friendly university on the east coast. It's in the math dept., so I'm not sure whether I can do a research talk, or try to do a more mathy research talk, or what. Not so sure. Also I can't recycle my current research talk because the guy who invited me is already familiar with that work.

-- Colloquium at a friendly university in the midwest. This one can at least be my typical research talk about what I'm currently doing.

So that's 5 talks on 5 different topics, which seems a bit much. I am also supposed to give some sort of web seminar talk on something in a few weeks, and also give a talk to a doctoral student audience about "finding your voice" in academic writing. Which makes little sense to me, because I think I always had my voice, at least since I started writing. And the phrase "finding your voice" is so vague and flowery as to be almost meaningless.

Why did I agree to do so many talks, and why are they clustered together within a 2-month period? Hmmm.

Annoying, Amusing

Things that are annoying me:

-- The fact that some people in this house are genetically incapable of moving at anything other than a glacial pace. Like, literally...slooooooooowly moving from point A to point B. Get out of my fucking way.

-- The fact that my husband and I and all other state workers have become the economy scapegoats in this state. (And beyond, but it's especially prevalent now with our anti-state-worker governor, who by the way lacks a college degree.) The rhetoric is that our benefits and salaries are the problem in the economy, so we should be sacrificed so that he can enact a tax cut. Yes, we have a giant deficit but he is going to implement a tax CUT. And fund it by putting state workers on the chopping block. This morning somebody actually called in to our local NPR station to rant about how state workers haven't felt the pain of this bad economy, unlike private industry workers, what with our yearly raises and great benefits so now it's time for us to PAY with a giant cut in salary and benefits. The fact that people believe this and are apparently unaware of our salary freezes over the last several years (no merit or cost of living raises, period), our furloughs (in my case that equates to a pay cut), our increased cost of contributing to our benefits, and our lower-than-market salaries means that the scapegoating rhetoric is totally working. Bonus points if you have to listen to that shit from know-it-all friends or family members.

-- People who use their Econ 101 knowledge to suggest "free market" solutions to everything, even things that don't exist in a free market or operate under free market rules. People are not widgets. Education and health care are not the same as sneakers; they should be human rights. And students are not customers.

-- Winter. It is February already. I get it that it's still going to be cold and snow, but February is too late in the year for the sub-zero bullshit.

Things that are amusing me:

-- Demetri Martin. I'm digging the sincere arbitrary humor thing.

-- Randomness of the 3-year old remarks. For instance, tonight at dinner Nora said, "Mommy do you have a thirsty turd in your pants?" No Nora, no I do not.

-- STFU Parents.

-- Sea Captain Date. Arrrgh.

-- Top Gear. The British are so funny sometimes.

Unexpected twist. The plows did come through early this morning so we could make it to the doctor's office, but the office was closed!

Our driveway opens onto a dead end at the bottom of a hill and the plow got stuck on the hill. Another bigger plow had to come pull it out with a giant chain.

Our neighborhood this morning. The parents sent their kids out to shovel:

Jake had to shovel out the garage first before we could get to the other shovels:

Milo was having a blast in the snow!

Nora also had fun too (for the first 5 minutes):

Milo got to work shoveling, and here we see Nora looking towards the door. I let her go back in and stay inside while the rest of us shoveled.

Milo on top of a hill of snow!

Our neighbor cleared the walk in front of our house with a snowblower! This saved us at least an hour of work.

Okay Mom, I'm stuck, so stop fooling around and get me out of here.

Around lunchtime the sun came out, and then we had a beautiful day.

Snowpocalypse Now

It just took me an hour to get home -- a mile and a half journey!

Note to self: don't try to take the bus during a blizzard. You'll just end up walking anyway.

My trip was cancelled. Boo. But my paper was accepted. Yay! Tenure here I come.

So tonight I was trying to explain to Milo why the bus didn't come. I told him, "It's because of the storm. I think the bus never came because of the big snowstorm!" Milo said, very seriously with huge eyes, "I think the bus driver was afraid of the storm!"

No school tomorrow. No preschool. No university. I wonder what the chances are that we'll make it to the kids' yearly check-up? (The one I scheduled 2 months ago, because that's how far out you have to wait?) Jake thinks it's 0. I'm more optimistic but he says I'm seriously underestimating the storm.

Through Nora's Eyes

Big 'ole storm coming. Just in time to potentially cancel my visit to Michigan tomorrow. Grrr! Not that it's as exciting as going somewhere warm in early February, but to be honest I have been looking forward to a couple of days away, seeing friends and colleagues, giving my colloquium talk, etc. Darn weather.

Nora has been engaging in some photography. I present a few here.

Pile of pens:

Portrait of Daddy:

Portrait of Milo:

Kitchen sink:

Pile of papers:

Into the Darkness

I'm sick again. It's kind of boring and predictable to even type that. I've never been sick as much as I have this year. I'm shuffling about in the sort of frail manner in which, if a character in a play were doing so in the first act, you know she'll have succumbed to consumption by the third.

The kids are all better and hopefully what I have is what they had this past week. (Or was it last? I can't remember anymore). The kids, in their vibrant, vigorous youth, can handle this stuff better than I can, decrepit and ancient that I am.

Tonight the kids were experimenting with darkness, turning off the lights and jumping around in dark rooms. Then Milo decided to go into the sunroom, which was really dark. He convinced Nora to go in there with him, and he said "It's really dark in here Nora! Hold my hand! It's scary!" She grabbed his hand and together they walked 2 or 3 steps into the dark room, then came running back out.

Tonight at dinner Milo said "Thank you for making dinner Mommy!" This morning I put on a shirt and he said "I like your owl shirt Mommy! That's a nice shirt!" What a sweetie.

Decent, Not Great, Not Terrible

Well, I got a raise today. I asked for it in June by going into my chair's office and explaining why I should get a raise. She then had to take the request to the department and they voted in favor of it. It then got sent to the dean who had the final say on the amount. I was warned that the dean's average award is very small. Meanwhile, my chair and my mentor crafted this big argument for why I should get a much bigger raise than the typical crappy raise she awards (and it was a pretty good argument because I am in a high demand field and had some letters from other universities trying to recruit me).

The raise I got is somewhat bigger than the typical small raise the dean gives, but not a lot bigger. I feel decent about it. Not great, not too terrible. I am making less than I could make at some other institutions, but I'm making more than I was before. I guess it pays to ask.

Chair was apologetic that it wasn't as much as they asked for but noted that it's something in these horrible budget times. (For instance, our merit raises, which is our most typical avenue for getting a raise, have been nonexistent for the past several years as there has been no money in the budget for merit increases -- salaries have been officially frozen.) Mentor on the other hand was annoyed that the amount wasn't bigger and wrote, "I really dislike our dean!"

Because I am at public university, our salaries are available online. You can see what anybody makes. In our department there is a 91K range amongst the full professors who are all roughly the same age. So the highest paid professor makes 91K more than the lowest paid full professor. This tells me that it pays (literally) to do what it takes to keep getting raises: get outside offers (so be awesome), do lots of publishing to get high merit scores (assuming merit raises ever return), get tenure and then full promotions as quickly as possible, and keep advocating for salary adjustments every few years.

Me

Nora's song tonight: "Me me me, me me me, me me me, me, me, me!"

That about sums it up.

My Blog as Birth Control

Holy cow do I hate dinner. And on a related note, how do you stop 3-year olds from fighting constantly? I mean constantly. Especially at dinner and at breakfast. They will argue about anything.

The enjoyment to bullshit ratio is pretty lousy at this point. I wonder if that's just a fact of parenthood?

Milo Troubles

I'm worried about Milo today. Terrible constipation and belly pain. He seems to be in constant pain. The nurse suggested some Miralax and Mineral Oil, which we'll start giving him now. He hasn't been able to eat anything all day. Given how much fruit these kids eat (a LOT) it is surprising to me that he would ever have this problem, but he does every now and then. I wish I could help the poor little guy. Milo has to go to the potty but it hurts and he says, "I'm scared!"

I'm so glad I can talk to him, at least, and he can talk about how he feels. It is better than when he was a baby and would be in pain and just cry, and there was no easy way to comfort him. At least now he knows we're trying to help him, but it's probably not very satisfying if I can't actually, you know, help him.